Sorry to start your day like this, but we just woke up from a terrible nightmare. This total jerk we went to high school with, one of those guys who always got his butt kicked for being such a tool, grew up and became our boss. He was constantly on a power trip because people finally had to listen to him so he was always subjecting us to bizarre sexual harassment and stupid jokes that weren’t funny. But the thing was, we couldn’t complain because we had no papers to live in this country. We’d be deported if we called the authorities. Hold on. Wait a minute…That wasn’t a dream! That was this video of Dov Charney, the CEO and founder of American Apparel, running around the plant in his underwear shouting in a faux Spanish accent, “Eets made een downtown L.A.!” while demanding validation from his factory workers with a Canadian, “It’s fucking great, ay?” Thank God we’re legal. If Mauser ever pulls this kind of shit, we are so out of here.