Enter Boy Shakira

Picture for a second that a man with the body and stage presence of Carlos Mencía (neither of which is a pleasant thing) has taken a liking to sequins and belly-dancing. Add a serious pair of brass balls, the unwavering desire to become Colombian pop star Shakira, and an opportunity to share his ‘talent’ over network airwaves. What do you get? The performer known simply as Boy Shakira, who burst onto TV’s all over the nation in last night’s episode of NBC reality circus “America’s Got Talent!” (A poorman’s “American Idol” that invites acts of all genres and levels of delusion to embarass themselves while earning the approval of judges like David Hasselhoff and Sharon Osbourne.)

Unfortunately, no images or videos of Boy Shakira are available … yet. (The artist’s rendering seen above comes courtesy of a video called “Fat Shakira”.) You see, we’re pegging him to become an overnight internet sensation.

Right now, typing ‘Boy Shakira’ into Google and YouTube will only pull up a number of disturbing images and videos that’re likely to land you in federal prison. But just give last night’s spectacle some time to circulate, and you’ll see Luigi (Boy Shakira’s real name) in all his cross-dressing glory soon enough.

And if it turns out we’re awful talent scouts and he never appears online, you’re not getting off that easy. After Boy Shakira worked it on stage last night for the entire 90 seconds allotted him, two of the three judges said he had what it takes to move on to the next round. He’s headed to Vegas, baby! Trust that we’ll give you the play-by-play of Boy Shakira’s next appearance when it arises.

Which judge disapproved, you ask? Hasselhoff himself, if you must know. So much so, in fact, that the Hoff stormed off stage after the others fawned over Boy Shakira. Cameras caught the former Baywatch ringleader exclaiming “The world has gone mad! The world has gone mad!” from behind his dressing room door. It didn’t take long for Hasselhoff to return to the judges’ panel, disgruntled and probably drunk (see below), but ready to go on.

Parting words from Boy Shakira? We tried to capture the moment with a last-minute transcription: “It’s a tough world out there. And what I do, alot of people don’t want it and don’t accept it. But that’s who I am, and that’s what I do.”

Stay golden, Shakira Boy. Stay golden.