In case you missed it, hip-hop magazine turned TV production crew Ego Trip took one hour of last night’s VH1 programming block to regale us with “TV’s Illest Minority Moments”. What was essentially a retrospective look at a clusterfuck of embarrassing clips featuring Blacks, Asians, and Latinos (validation!) turned out to be mildly funny … well, let’s just say it had its moments.
Straight outta the gates, Latinos were noted in a segment called “3 Realities of Reality TV”. One of them was that young Latin women appear on dating shows and act like whores—dropping bad sexual innuendo, demanding full-on make-out seshes from their dates, and doing a twirl for the camera in their thongs just so daddy has another wholesome image burned into his retina. Almost as if reading from a script handed to her by People En Español, a bleach blonde chongalicious ‘expert’ explained why this is the case:

As a culture, we Latinos aren’t as afraid about their sexuality. There’s a sense of spiciness, especially in bed.

Who knew spiciness was synonymous with whorishness? Moving right along to cartoons, the endless panel of talking heads moderating the show (all minorities themselves) reminisced about an old-school Dick Tracy cartoon featuring Mexican sidekick Go Go Gómez. To paraphrase, they described him as stereotypically short, fat, ugly, and always lying in a hammock stoned out of his mind. (That’s no cartoon—that’s our old family friend and gardener, Manuel!)

The show concluded by exploring what would happen if minorities (called by one panelist, “the mud people”) took over TV. The result included a hypothetical show called “The White Girl Is Mine”, featuring various vanilla-faced girls who shed their inhibitions and get down with the brown. To our dismay, one of the clips they scrounged up had Fez from “That 70’s Show” articulating his excitement at being invited into a white chick’s bedroom:

I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna do it!

What’s the lesson, kiddies? Even in a fleeting moment of Latino empowerment, we can’t escape Wilmer Valderrama.

TV’s Illest Minority Moments Presented By Ego Trip [VH1]
Latina Image [YouTube]
Go Go Gómez Image [Fortune City]
Earlier, Wilmer Valderrama Declared A Role Model For Hispanic Youth, Hispanic Youth Screwed