Guanabee answers all your questions about Latinness.

In between fits of writer’s block and ‘business-related’ IM exchanges, a fateful trip to Facebook confirmed what we had thought all along was a curious point of pride among Latinos: the seemingly endless chain of surnames that follows their first names. A discussion group entitled “Latino Last Names” appears on the home page for ‘The Largest Latino Group on Facebook’, asking members to submit their complete birth names. Just like that, John Doe outs himself as Juan Felipe Calderón Prado Ramírez Belén Hernández Olivo Doe.
The idea, as one member puts it, is to “Be proud of your latino name! Show it off!” Which got us to thinking: how did long-ass Latino last names come into being? Extensive research (five minutes on Wikipedia) shows that, as with most Latin customs, this one comes straight from Spain.

The first surname is inherited from the father, who inherited his first surname from his own dad, and the second name is inherited from the mother. Simple enough, right? Wrong. Though the Spanish Civil Registry only records two surnames per person, people still baptize their kids with a laundry list of apellidos so they carry on a rich tradition of nobility and royalty. We figure the preferred method of picking them is to throw darts at a wall plastered with Post-It notes bearing a clusterfuck of Spanish names, from Álvarez to Zuñiga.

Other fun facts:
• The suffix ‘-ez’ is the Spanish equivalent of ‘-son.’ In other words, Lopez at one point meant ‘son of Lope,’ not ‘the family that Jennifer shames.’

• Spanish-speakers love diminutives, and nicknames! As a result, José becomes Pepe; Ignacio becomes Nacho; and Paloma becomes Palo. (For you non-bilinguals, that’s ‘dove’ becomes ‘stick.’)

• Since Mohamed is the world’s most popular name, and since back-in-the-day Christian officials in Spain recorded this first name as a last name just ‘cause they felt like it, Wikipedia insists that in Spanish-speaking countries it’s not unusal to meet a guy who goes by Mohamed Mohamed Mohamed. We wonder where, exactly, Wikipedia found him.

At the end of the day, we prefer Iñigo Montoya’s method of repping a Spanish name. (Had to reference Princess Bride eventually.)

Spanish naming customs [Wikipedia]
Mandy Patinkin ‘Princess Bride’ montage [YouTube]