Our Associate Editor Carlos Nobleza Posas goes off on personal rants that may or may not be factually based.

A week ago, we posted a story about a pair of identical twins torn asunder at birth under such bizarre circumstances that BBC News compared the drama to that of a telenovela. That wasn’t just an example of covering the coverage, Mario. That was a cry for help.

You see, I wrote that post to get the attention of one reader and one reader only: the man with enough gall to take his work home with him after “Dancing With the Stars”; the actor bold and closeted enough to take on the role of gay Olympic gold medalist Greg Louganis; the prima donna humble enough to enforce the law on a bicycle for “Pacific Blue”; and of course, the icon who made high school wrestling, jheri curls, and ‘comin’ atcha!’ the holy trinity of a generation in “Saved By the Bell.” I hoped to tug at his heart strings, to prompt him to come forward and claim me. What do I mean, you ask? [Insert Darth Vader impression here.] Mario—I am your brother.

It all started innocently enough, in my freshman year of college. On a late afternoon bus to the airport, the sun slanting in through the windows to provide good lighting, I found myself sharing the ride with no one but an 8 year-old Black girl and her mother. Clad in pink from head to toe, the girl would alternate between bouncing up and down in her seat and scanning me up and down. Finally, right before we pulled into the Delta terminal, she looked me dead in the eye and revealed the fruits of her analysis:

Ain’t you that muscle man from “Saved By the Bell”? It’s okay if you are; I won’t tell nobody.

I don’t quite remember what happened next. In fact, I probably blacked out. All I know is that I made it safely onto my plane, deciding to answer the call fate had issued me that day.
Chapter 2 of this saga found me on an overnight train in Spain, where rain falls mainly on the plain. Prior to embarking, my travelmate and I decided to come up with a couple of fake personas to fool fellow passengers with, just so we could laugh like assholes about it later. Seeing this as my chance to embrace my destiny, I created Carlos Cienfuegos: the up-and-coming actor who had just wrapped a big time feature in New York called “Fallen Angels.” Directed by Ron Howard and co-starring you, the made-up movie featured me in the role of your character’s little brother. The two Canadian dudettes that we dropped the story on ate it up, convinced by so natural a casting decision.
[On a side-note, “Fallen Angels” is actually a shoot ‘em up Hong Kong detective thriller. My bad, Kar Wai Wong.]

Then, about a week and a half ago, everything came full circle. Logged onto Facebook, I was checking myself out in the image to the right (cropped to protect the identity of the innocent) when I came across the comment below it—made by a complete stranger, a friend of the buddy of mine who had posted the pic:

Is that Mario Lopez from saved by the bell?

I’d like to think the remark was not made in jest. As such, it’s proof positive that you and I are blood. Call me?

Earlier, ‘Los Rants on Guanabee
A.C. Slater Image [University of Michigan]
Fallen Angels Image [Amazon]