Mr. Eva Longoria Shouldn’t Quit His Day Job

Don’t say we’ve never done anything for you, ’cause we just lost 10 minutes of our lives watching and re-watching the music video for Tony Parker’s rap song “Premier Love.” Eva Longoria’s man goes the sensitive thug route and fills the clip with rap cliché after rap cliché: using a hushed monotone to ramp up his sincerity, being backlit while caught in faux contemplation, bobbing his head ever so seriously to the beat. The narrative’s climax even takes place at a high school basketball game, presumably to reflect the juvenile nature of the NBA star’s relationship with Longoria. We don’t understand French, but we’re pretty sure Parker concludes by promising his heart to the addressee of this cheesy love note. If only he’d promise to stop making music.

This Pains Us [Perez Hilton]