Signs You’re The New White: The Gays Are Claiming You
30 July 2007, 11:15 AM. By Cindy Casares
In this week’s “La Dolce Musto,” Michael Musto’s weekly Village Voice column, he’s gone raza crazy! First he gives us a blow-by-blow (pun intended, obvs.) of a Maria Felix gala at Christies that sent him into a gay frenzy:
The LIZ TAYLOR of Mexico, Maria Felix had fabulous eye make- up, a fascination with cocks (and other barnyard animals), and an opulent sense of home decorating… At the gala Christie’s bash unveiling her stuff, jaws dropped at the surreal gorgeousness of it all, as well as at the shirtless bartenders in shiny Aladdin hats they couldn’t quite explain. Everyone else [at the party] wore leopard prints, flowing robes, and sombreros, but they still couldn’t compete with the sumptuous hanging costumes Felix wore in films like Cafe Colón (Without the accent, it’s even gayer-sounding.)
Musto continues with the Latin theme by throwing us a fascinating little bone about the subject of J.Lo and Marc Anthony’s newest unholy alliance,“El Cantante,” Hector Lavoe:
The imminent biopic El Cantante bizarrely tells us that salsa star Hector Lavoe (played by MARC ANTHONY) died of AIDS, specifically from drug use. But in the movie they show him having intimate encounters with both sexes. How could they possibly know exactly how he got it? Even a doctor wouldn’t know!
Admittedly we know little to nothing about Hector Lavoe, but we especially didn’t know he swung both ways. This could be the best thing that’s happened to our people since Cesar Chavez. Once you’re in with the gays, it’s only a matter of time before everyone in the Hamptons is fucking the busboy. And you know what happens after that? Hollywood, baby.
La Dolce Musto: Gilty Pleasures [Village Voice]
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If it wasn’t for the fact you guys mentioned Michael Musto wrote the piece, I would have sworn Perez Hlton was trying to out someone again.
I guess I finally have a reason to watch El Cantante. Cause really, who doesn’t want to see Marc Anthony get freaky with another dude. Also: Ew.
Sorry to disappoint, but unless you count the fluid mingling when Hector and Willie jump into a pool, there is no such homo scene. There is one great coke binge where J.Lo asks Marc to get with John Ortiz (Willie), but he, of course, sez, “Tú tá loca???”
Oh gooooneesss, because that’s exactly what those hardcore Latin dudes want to hear about when they’re playing dominoes: that the dude they’re listening to this whole time was “taking it up the rear”. Wonderful. Maybe they can out Trujillo, Bolivar, and every other pillar of Latino life? Maybe? HA!
Its kind of sad that the only interesting or cool thing you could find to say about Lavoe was that he fucked men. Maybe you should start reading some stuff about the history of salsa.
Finally, a gay latino blog!