Attention Tetas! VH1 Is Looking For America’s Next (First?) Telenovela Star!

Oh Lawd. We’ve got to hand it to VH1. They keep coming up with these horrible shows that we just can’t look away from. And they just sent us a tip for a new one that some of our readers might find interesting:

Telenovelas are a huge worldwide sensation - seen around the globe by hundreds of millions. And VH1 wants to find their next big star!
Doron Ofir Casting is searching the country for the sexiest, most beautiful, stunningly talented, outrageously misbehaving bilingual Latin men and women that are willing to do whatever it takes to become numero uno!! [Editor’s Note: Paging Mr. Mauser.]

Twelve lucky people will be flown to Los Angeles to live in the “Casa De Locos” - a house where anything can happen, just like the set of a novela. They will be coached by some of the biggest names [Ed: And by names, they mean tetas.] in telenovelas and the Latino Hollywood community. Our cast will be challenged to learn the great style and flair that it takes to become a great Telenovela star.

This may actually set our people back further than the border wall, but it should be fun to watch. If some of you catty bitches from our comment board are thinking of auditioning, (and some of you really should, you’d be purrrrrfect), please let us know how it goes. And don’t forget to tell them Guanabee sentcha!

¡Viva Hollywood! The Search for America’s Numero Uno Telenovela Star [Viva Hollywood Casting]