Boredom In Northwestern State Prompts Immigrants to Be Like Whitey And Hit the Bottle

A herd of eggheads has gathered in New York over the weekend for the American Sociological Association’s Annual Meeting 2007, whose most intriguing presentation so far is a study showing that Latinos who’ve “replaced their traditional cultural beliefs with those of white Americans” are more likely to become druggies and boozehounds than their non-assimilating counterparts. Conducted in the rural-ass state of Washington over the course of a month, research shows that Hispanic immigrants who’ve embraced Whitey’s way of life there were nearly 13 times more likely to use illegal drugs than their cousins in ‘cultural buffer zones’ like California and Florida. These same coconuts are also two times more likely to binge drink and three times more likely to go on benders, proving that they’re just like we were in our college years–including the coconut part. So, what is it about traditional Latino immigrants that keeps them on the straight and narrow? The study’s author explains:

“In general, recent Hispanic immigrants are more family-oriented and have less tolerant views of drug and alcohol use,” [Assistant Professor Scott] Akins said.

That’s funny, cuz we were convinced that the infinite-proof rum our distant uncles made in their basements and distributed at block parties was meant to bring out the alcoholic in us.

Study: Substance abuse among Latinos rises as they adopt American culture [Battle Creek Enquirer]
Image [iStock Photo]