A dozen years after being one of 20,000 Cubans annually awarded an American visa by lottery, Ezequiel Pérez—whom some friends back on the island affectionately refer to as “lucky bastard”—has taken full advantage of that first fluke by becoming the victim of another one: winning $13 million in the Florida lottery. (Those same friends now refer to him as “lucky fucking bastard we hate.”) What’s his secret, you ask? Why, it’s watching “The Secret,” an oh-so credible documentary claiming it teaches viewers the same method that brought Plato and Einstein so much happiness. (Let’s see here: one of them derived that joy from loving boys, and the other still kicks himself in the grave for making the atom bomb possible.) With taglines like these, the movement’s just a couple members short of becoming the next Scientology:

“The Secret” has traveled through centuries to reach you.
[“The Law Of Attraction”] is The Secret to everything - the secret to unlimited joy, health, money, relationships, love, youth: everything you have ever wanted.

But it worked on Pérez, an immigrant who shows the tell-tale sign of fully adopting American culture:

Money was what Pérez was looking for. So, just like the movie suggested, he made a poster of all the things he wanted — a big house, a nice car and, of course, dollar signs. He would stare at the poster and imagine his new life. If people had seen him, he concedes, they would have laughed.

We haven’t stopped laughing since reading this the first time. Wonder if a poster of making millions off of gullible, spirituality-seeking idiots would work…

The Secret [IMDb]
Two big wins for Cuban man: U.S. visa, then lottery millions [Miami Herald]
Image [Miami Herald]