Our inferior intelligence has been explained by science this week in a study that reveals blue-eyed people will achieve more academically than brown-eyed people. Not that this has anything to do with it, but the study comes to us from a retired professor down south:

University of Louisville professor emeritus Joanna Rowe, who conducted the tests, said the results suggested an unexplored link between eye color and academic achievement… [B]rown-eyed people performed better at reaction time, but those with lighter eyes appeared to be better strategic thinkers, the Daily Mail reported. Brown-eyed people also succeeded in activities such as football and hockey, but lighter-eyed participants proved to be more succesful in activities that required skills in time structuring and planning such as golf, cross-country running and studying for exams, the scientists said.

This might explain why blue-eyed, Mexican anomaly Daniel Mauser barks orders to us from the golf course to “find more flesh” while the rest of us scurry around shouting, “Sí patron!” desperately churning stories out in a timely manner before he tries to deport us.

Study: Blue-Eyed People ‘Smarter’ than Brown-Eyed [Fox News]