Making men and women alike question their sexuality since bursting onto YouTube, the above clip is part of the multimedia presentation Ricky Martin harassed concert-goers with on his most recent tour through Europe. He lies nude on an illuminated panel as digital tattoos crawl across various parts of his anatomy. (Sounds like the premise for a bad Nine Inch Nails video, don’t it?) Cherry-picked slogans seems to be the subject of said body art, as the following heavy-handed and unoriginal phrases (among others) make their presence known:

Change your life. Be your own boss. Peace is born in you. Discover yourself. Know yourself. Defy yourself. [And the kicker.] To live is to be born step by step.

Ricky Martin as life coach is about as unrealistic to us as Ricky Martin being the unwitting poster boy for Gayspanics everywhere. Oh, wait—that is a reality, and an entertaining one at that.