Summering On the Couch: “The Pick-Up Artist” Unveils ‘Mystery,’ A Bad Latin Lover, And Other Hilarities

TV rots your brain. Let’s do it.

Daniel has turned us on (against our better judgment) to reality show “The Pick-Up Artist,” where a so-called dating expert named Eric who goes by ‘Mystery’ runs 8 chumps through that fiery gauntlet known as interaction with the opposite sex. The endgame? Help them get a phone number or a kiss–maybe even a grope–all while they compete for a grand prize and the title of “Master Pick-Up Artist.” (It’s catchier than “Least Pathetic Virgin Outed On National TV.”)
A couple of disclaimers. The ringleader of this sexually frustrated circus, the aforementioned Mystery, was a geek not long ago but has since donned a soul patch and a feathery cowboy hat to really start dropping panties. Also, he ‘challenges’ contestants by sending them out to hang-outs all over Austin, places we know from personal experience are crawling with slutty 20-year old sorority girls. Without further ado, the show’s two Latino guys.

Pictured at right, Álvaro is a self-proclaimed “good-looking guy” whose problem is “cartwheeling away” from women when it’s time to talk to them; in other words, as shown by first-episode footage of him at a bar, the man is paralyzed by fear when told to approach the ladies–not even giving himself a chance to get shot down in a blaze of embarrassment like the others. (We consider him televised proof that not all Hispanic men are irresistibly spicy Latin Lovers. You don’t know how long we’ve been waiting for this.) Álvaro’s anti-thesis / would-be idol is one of Mystery’s wingmen, a brown guy named Stan who goes by the suggestively Latino “Matador.” He says things like “we need to rip that [nice guy attitude] out of them and we need to re-vamp it.” The rest of the show is basically long spans of awkwardness punctuated by the occasional moment of teary-eyed desperation. Oh, and there’s a 45 year-old virgin.

The Pick-Up Artist [VH1]