The Celebrity Sex Tape That Wasn’t: Johanna Cardona Ain’t Famous

In their hurry to recreate some Noelia magic, the Latino blogging community jumped the gun last week over a “celebrity” sex tape starring a very local, (according to our sources), Colombian TV news personality named Johanna Cardona whose ex-boyfriend leaked footage of them doing it on a cell phone video. We were given a link to said video and, while there is definitely sex going on, the question of whether or not the woman in it is a celebrity looms large. On top of the fact that we’ve never heard of Johanna Cardona, we are hard pressed to find a picture of her on the internet. While many sites are reporting that this woman, (the world’s most annoying blonde–we so wanted it to be her), is the same Cardona, one look at the video in question and anyone can see there is no match. The only picture of the correct Ms. Cardona we were able to uncover features a very cryptic shot of her with her very curly, bleached blonde hair covering her face. The hair matches perfectly. (The two shots are pictured above. Click to enlarge.) But that does nothing to dissuade us from our opinion:

No celebrity plus sex tape equals amateur porn. While that can be lovely, it can’t be here. That said, we are open to your opinion. If you have ever heard of Johanna Cardona, who our sources tell us is no longer even employed as a television newsperson, and you consider her a celebrity, operators are standing by to receive your testimony. Likewise, if that poodle perm has you intrigued and you want to see the hardcore action, of which there is over 20 minutes, there’s a special place in hell picked out just for you and Daniel Mauser. (He’ll show it to you if you drop him a line here.) For the rest of us, it’s back to the drawing board and hoping Eva and Tony’s wedding night ends up on PornTube soon.