The Gospel According To Michelle Rodríguez

Boy, oh, boy are we excited to see that take-no-guff actress Michelle Rodríguez has written a new message to her fans on her official website. Reading like an acid-induced religious text at times and a teenage diary entry at others, the letter is a response to those who raised over $1000 for The Nature Sanctuary in Rodríguez’s name for her birthday last month; it also waxes philosophic about her inclusion in the cast of the next James Cameron flick, and the admission of a friend of hers to medical school. (Hey, we never said it makes much sense.) Below are some choice excerpts, and we promise to keep the zingers to a minimum:

I feel the day we turn our backs on nature and it’s wild life [sic] is truly the day we decide we don’t love anymore, hopefully I won’t live to see this awful cyber robotic mentality hell of a cold lifeless generation.

Don’t worry, M-Rod fans; it only gets better. She talks about working hard now so she can take a full year off to start putting together the project she’s been dreaming about for 13 years:

I can’t wait to start writing my child animal movie project script for you guys. [...] I’m talking about finally getting to that point where I am sitting on a chair talking to a great director, a team of great writers, kid actors, animal trainers, and awesome special effects teams.

Sounds like all the elements that made “Evan Almighty” such an overwhelming success. She then describes ‘evolving’ from all the tabloid drama she’s smiled and snarled through over the past couple of years:

I’m very happy right now, and I feel good about finally shedding my last pieces of dead skin, being born as a newly evolved creature and revealing to everyone who couldn’t see before what I’m truly about.

Mmm, graphic. The rest of the message explains an e-mail exchange she had with a med school-bound friend “about school being a marriage to existence.” (We just wrote our future doctor buddies the same exact thing; what a coincidence!) Apparently, earth ain’t nothing but a place for learning:

Confused she asked me what I meant by ‘the school of life existing to fulfill a void in soul.’ [...] I really do think this place is a school for the soul or the neutral witness inside all of us.

Soon after that we lost her. Rodríguez draws some sort of analogy between the body and DNA and the mind and the soul while giving a shout-out to eastern thought:

[...] if you sit there and do nothing under a tree like Buddha for 8 years of your life, you will be curious, and you will evolve by answering these curiosities, as long as your conscious, even sleeping, or have a breath of reason in you.

She’s so worldly. Something about ‘the need of DNA to evolve as it reaches to fill a void in the spirit’ sets up the letter’s conclusion, calling this desire

…an Infinite quest. I empathize and feel equal to everyone I encounter because I see that quest or yearning for fulfillment in the eyes of everyone I meet. If he or she didn’t have some unfinished curiosity to fulfill I think people would just drop dead or become lifeless vegetables. Just a perspective snack to ponder.

Conclusion? Girl needs an editor or something. (We’d volunteer, but our brain is shot for years from trying to interpret this stuff.) At least she admits she’s fallible, although she does it in a highly cryptic way:

My grammar sucks ass.

From Michelle [Official Michelle Rodríguez Site]
Image [IMDb]