• Penn and Teller say the war on drugs doesn’t work, but then again, neither does Penn’s ponytail and he’s been hawking that shit for years. [Latin Americanist]
• San Antonio qualifies for FEMA Flood Assistance. That and $10 will buy them a dimebag. [San Antonio-Express News]
• A government study shows that when it comes to binge drinking, teens prefer hard liquor. And by hard liquor, they mean Mad Dog 20/20. [CNN]
• Now Michael Musto’s saying Hillary Clinton’s boinking her campaign aide, but we know better than to follow him down that path again. Or do we? [La Dolce Musto]
• Someone flying out of Peru snuck a monkey past security by hiding it in his ponytail. We look forward to having to remove our hair the next time we’re at the airport. [CNN]