Congress in Mexico is in a frenzy as of late because accusations have been raised that former President Vicente Fox refurbished his new retirement ranch with some quality shit—and it’s made some people ask the question, “But how?” Congress opened the investigation because an ex-campaign aide, a.k.a douche (or douchette) who is jobless now, stated that Fox had slipped his greasy ranchito hands into his party’s campaign dough. Isn’t that money “winner take all” when you become president? Like we really care. In a statement this week, Fox vehemently denied the accusations like a mafioso, and swore this week that his hands are clean.

“Before Mexico and the Mexicans, and my mother in heaven, I declare I am telling the truth,” he wrote.

Immediately after, he jumped on his caballito and rode off into the sunset.

Mexico’s former President is under investigation on allegations of financial abuse [NY Times]