You didn’t think we’d let another week go by without checking in with our favorite furry friends in crisis, did you? This week, we discover the subtle nuances between cats and dogs. (Turns out cats are racist, while dogs are kind of gay.) And we find a gerbil that’s one more Halloween away from hanging himself from his exercise wheel.

Let’s start with Goldilocks on our left here. A dog with cleavage is something we really didn’t need to see before we died. If this is your pet, you should be very, very ashamed.

This is a black cat. Ha, ha, ha. (Racist.)

This dog is dressed as legendary gay icon Quentin Crisp. “Whoa-oh, I’m an alien. I’m a legal alien…”

There is apparently no shortage of racist cats. This one is dressed as an “inner city youth.”

We suppose if you’re already a gerbil you might as well dress like The Village People.

And finally, this costume is entitled, “What will their children look like?” or alternately, “Ode to Equus”

Earlier: Petstumes: A Knife Through A Basset Hound Is Fun For Everyone. Except The Basset Hound, But He Can’t Talk.