Perez Hilton

People en Español

• Eligibility: Cuban-American from Miami
• Claim To Fame: Perez is a celebrity gossip blogger, but it’s his affinity for drawing dicks on people’s faces that’s made him so beloved by America.
• Why He’s Embarrassing: Perez Hilton has, to the astonishment of everybody, made a celebrity career out of doing what you used to do in obscurity at the back of homeroom. No, not get high. He draws pee-pees and curse words on the pictures of people he hates. Not only has this landed him his own VH1 show and access to countless “actress”/coke whores all over Hollywood, but he’s also managed to employ his entire family all while claiming Latino and gay pride. In reality, the only people he embarrasses more than the ones whose faces he draws dicks on are the ones with actual dicks on their faces—the gays…and us. This guy is a bigger gay/Latino/media cliché than Charo.

• Eligibility: It covers people en español. And also in English, which is so meta.
• Claim To Fame: As of 2007, it is the Spanish-language magazine of largest readership in the United States, but really it’s famous for naming Beyoncé as the most beautiful Latina of this year.
• Why They Are Embarrassing: People en Español burst onto the scene in 1996 with all the cultural relevance you’d expect from Time Warner. Legend has it the idea for the magazine came after a 1995 issue of the original People was distributed with the cast of “Friends” on some covers and a dead Selena on others. The Selena cover sold out while the Wonderbread cover did not and a magazine for clichéd Latinos was born. After eleven years of top sales, earlier this year, People en Español realized a lot of Latinos in America don’t speak Spanish, so the periodical began publishing an English version of the Spanish version of the original publication. Go, identity.