A celluloid version of Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s Love in the Time of Cholera opens in theaters November 16! Excited? No? Ok. But, come on, its directed by Mike Newell, who did “Four Weddings and a Funeral” and “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.” Plus, it stars Benjamin Bratt and Javier Bardem. And surely seeing brown people on a big screen is exciting, right? Right? …You guys?:

“Love In the Time of Cholera” was shot in English, but Newell wanted to remain as true as possible to the ethnicity of the book, and not give audiences the impression “they’re seeing Brad Pitt in a brown wig and contact lenses.”

God knows no Latino can look like Brad Pitt. They’re all small and brown! Like little, unfamous cacas.

Casting the role of Fermina was more of a problem. Several actresses Newell was interested in were not available. The director was also aware the person he chose would have to age convincingly from 15 to 75, and he wanted a more mysterious, classic look, not “a kind of dark-eyed, big-bosomed, South American Spanish girl.”

Those South American Spanish Mexican Indian girls are so super hot, though!

Hence the casting of Italian actress Giovanna Mezzogiorno, a 33-year-old of mesmerizing green eyes whose work is practically unknown in this country.

Its a good thing they went to Italy to find a Hispanic girl. Like any Latina would ever have green eyes. Or light skin. Or the ability to be typing these words right now. Oh well. We guess its difficult to try to find talented, well-known actors whose physical appearance also matches the way characters are described within a widely-read novel:

As to Florentino, described in the book as small, pale and thin, Bardem was the only choice to play the role. “He’s not right for the part,” says Newell, “but the part clearly needed a star. He is the great Spanish actor.”

Oh.

‘Love in the Time of Cholera’ comes alive on film [NY Daily News]