Hugo Chavez

Fidel Castro

• Eligibility: Venezuelan From Sabaneta, Barinas.
• Claim To Fame:President of Venezuela, but we’re big fans of his music.
• Why He’s Embarrassing: It’s hard to believe the man isn’t a megalomaniac when he’s closing down news stations that report any difference of opinion from his and changing the constitution so that he can be president forever. Plus, most Venezuelans are still, you know, starving and unemployed. Then, of course, there’s the cavorting with movie stars, the television show and the new album. It makes you wonder if he missed his calling as a rockstar. At least then we’d have a 50/50 chance of him wrapping himself around a telephone pole or choking on his own vomit.

• Eligibility: Cuban from, er, Cuba
• Claim To Fame:President of Cuba, but the White House is obsessed with him because he kicked our asses at the Bay of Pigs.
• Why He’s Embarrassing: Let’s be honest. This guy only embarrassed us for the first 40 years becuse he dared, in our own backyard, to resist U.S. occupation and instead sided with the Russians. But 48 years later, he just looks like an egotistical old man who’d rather die the winner than feed the people he claims to care so much about. Then, of course, there’s the paranoia that accompanies such a position. And the dementia that seems to have set in lately with old age. Oh yeah. And the track suit.