Alberto Gonzales

Antonio Villaraigosa

• Eligibility: Tejano from outside Houston
• Claim To Fame: Officially, he’s the former U.S. Attorney General, but most people know him as the Uncle Tómas of the White House.
• Why He’s Embarrassing: Gonzales systematically fired a staff of U.S. Dept. of Justice attorneys in 2005 and 2006 without explanation only to tell Senate hearing committees later that he had no recollection of the events. He was also seriously implicated in the NSA Domestic Eavesdropping Program and became so universally reviled in Washington, that a number of members of both houses of Congress from both parties publicly said Gonzales should resign or be fired by Bush. This he impudently refused during months of Senate hearings until, finally, in August of this year, he put us all out of our misery. Only to play the race card and imply that his humble background should excuse him from any mistakes he might have made.

• Eligibility: Cal-Mex from East L.A.
• Claim To Fame: He’s the first Latino mayor of L.A. since Mexico ran the place, but it was his libido that put his name in headlines all over America this year.
• Why He’s Embarrassing: Only a man who fashions a new last name by combining his and his wife’s could be cheesy enough to fall for the obviousness of a career climbing TV reporter in high heels. After building a reputation as the Great Brown Hope, regaling voters with stories of his tough childhood and his achievement of the American dream, Villaraigosa fell off the pedestal of his own making when he publicly admitted he was schtupping the very Telemundo anchor who reported his separation from his wife just days earlier, Mirthala Salinas. It was San Antonio cheating husband mayor Henry Cisneros all over again, only this time, there was the internet. And the internet was not kind.