America’s latest “Above The Influence” anti-marijuana spot plays like a WWII venereal disease educational film. Dialogue and all:

Hispasian Looking Girl On Cell Phone: Hey girl, que pasa? Our weekend was crazy—what I can remember! Wait, wait, wait. Slow down, chica. Take it easy. A what? A picture of me? Who sent it to you? How did she get it? I’m not even friends with her! You gotta send it to me now.

(SFX of picture message arriving on her phone.)

This must have been from Saturday night. I was SO HIGH. Who do you think got it?

(Cut to shots of other kids giving her the evil eye she deserves. And scene.)