Fantastic Four To Open Can Of Whoopass On Chupacabra’s Ass
4 December 2007, 4:45 PM. By Carlos Posas
The new issue of the Fantastic Four comic will take place in Puerto Rico, where the superheroes Mister Fantastic, the Human Torch, The Thing and the Invisible Woman [Ed. Note: Played by our favorite identity-confused Jessica Alba in the movies] will try to kick some Chupacabra ass. Alejandro Arbona, an assistant editor at Marvel, said about the special issue: “We’ve tried to capture the Chupacabras mania, how absurd and surreal the situation was, and the fact that Puerto Rico is, indeed, a fantastic place.” Indeedyweedy! According to the Orlando Sentinel:
[The] story starts with a fictional annual festival in honor of The Thing in Old San Juan.
“When The Thing visits the island for the first time, the people embraced him because he looks just like [the Spanish fort called] El Morro.
He also looks like every Puerto Rican we know. Huge. Built like a rock. Well hung…
According to the story, he escapes to the island every year, but this time he is followed by Mister Fantastic, the Invisible Woman and the Human Torch. After a series of embarrassing situations for The Thing, the Chupacabras attacks start.
Who hasn’t had an embarrassing situation in Puerto Rico? We’re pretty sure they mean The Thing drinks too many Bacardi Breezers and plays hide-the-boulder with the Invisible Woman. Fantastic!
The Fantastic Four are going to Puerto Rico to battle the legendary Chupacabras [Orlando Sentinel]
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im my expirience not all Puerto Ricans are hung… maybe I got a defective one?!
I could’ve sworn that all Puerto Ricans looked like Ivy Queen or Daddy Yankee.
I wonder if Freddie Prinze’s body makes a guest appearance.
Awww… stop it. You’re making me blush with all the talk about my well-hungness…
And, yes, we all have massive wangs, in case anybody was wondering. Yes roncha, yours was defective.