Guanabee Commenter Shout Out: We’ll Handle The Nut Busting ‘Round Here, Kthnx

We won’t lie. When we first read a comment by “Guana Bust A Nut” we though, yes!, this dude is going to be pervy and hilarious- our two favorite qualities in a person. But then he became serious and verbose, which are two qualities we really don’t care for. But then he totally hit on us and we thought, “Well, it’s not like we have standards or anything…” So, in that spirit: congrats Guana Bust A Nut. You’re this week’s recipient of a shout out. Because flattery will get you everywhere.

Except into our pants. That takes approximately three whiskey sours. And maybe a crowbar, as these jeans are pretty skinny.

Re: Jessica Alba Is Embarrassing, Embarazada. And Kinda Mean.

Actually, fetal skin tissue is quite good at treating skin blemishes and burns on fully developed adult skin. So, it’s not a good idea for God to plant a “zit seed” on fetal tissue. He should wait until the individual is fully developed–then he can strike. Of course, the other problem is that God doesn’t exist. So, he can’t possibly plant anything if he doesn’t exist. I know that the idea of a God does exist, and that’s the reason Latin America is in a very sad state.

We knew getting pregnant had to be good for something.

Re: Marcover: Meet Mark

I wish Marco the very best, but I want to know more about Alex. She looks hot. Post more pictures. Please. Oh, and a competition between Alex and Cindy would be awesome. The challenge could be to seduce as many men as possible within a 48 hour period. The winner gets lots of love from the readers and a big fat check from Mr. Mauser.

Actually, G.B.A.N, Cindy and Alex determine who is the sexier of the two by conducting biweekly pillow fights. These involve a lot of giggling. And blood. Also, to echo Cindy’s comment: Mauser has money?

Re: The Brief Wondrous Life Of Oscar Wao: I’m Just Not That Into It

It’s good to have a variety of responses to any work of art. Juno provides a unique perspective, and I think he deserves to be praised. But it’s not for everyone.

@isobel: you said, “I am ready for something different . . . without relying on fashionable McSpanish or “woe is me, I’m a darkie” to propel it forward . . . Like if a novel was written in the style of Guanabee…I’d be all over that.”

I beg to differ. Guanabee is, for the most part, all about the darkie. Most of the posts on this blog are trite and uninspired. That usually annoys the hell out of me, but I understand what they’re doing: Guanabee has to give the target audience what it wants. This is a clever blog in some ways, but it’s totally McSpanish. Of course, that’s to be expected.

If you want something stronger and smarter, then you’ll have to look elsewhere. I’ve read some great Spanish, Mexican, and Argentine blogs (as well as others) that are as good as their American and European counterparts. Guanabee casts too wide a net and can’t satisfy every type of Latino. However, if you’re a smart Brown person, this is the blog for you.

We’re not sure whether to be flattered that you called us reading for “smart Brown” people or insulted that you called us trite and uninspired. So we’re going to go with complete apathy.

Re: Having A Cell Phone Doesn’t Make You Cool, Might Mean You’re Poor

So no one knows the benefits of having a landline? Here are two that come to mind:

1. . It’s easier to pinpoint the location of a phone call when using a landline. Cell phones are more difficult to track, and some communities aren’t prepared to identify the exact location of a cell phone user.

2. Landline/corded phones are better for emergency situations (e.g., blackouts and other disruptions that may interfere with cell phone signals)

I find the article kind of hilarious. It must suck to be young, poor, male and Hispanic. Thank goodness for the military. :)

We didn’t even read this, because it was long.

Anyway, we love you, ya big Nut! Keep ‘em coming.