“Singer,” “actress,” and “clothing designer” Jennifer Lopez is buying things for one, or possibly two, children who are currently lying in wait within the velvet-lined VIP room that is her womb. Let’s peruse the contents of her wish list and then make fun of some of her choices because we harbor a deep-seated sense of jealousy and inferiority, shall we? Haha, fools. As if you had a choice:

Jennifer Lopez is leaving no doubt she’s expecting boy and girl twins — and that they will grow up in the sort of luxury befitting royals. In fact, the 38-year-old mama-to-be bought pink and blue onesies: one monogrammed “princess,” the other, “prince.”

That doesn’t mean shit. We buy our little brother a “princess” blanket every year.

There’s the $349 cashmere outfit, one in pink stripes, one in blue, from Baby CZ.

There are two Moses baskets for $225 each, though there are Smushy teddy bears with pink or blue ribbons for $65.

Our brother is also fond of smushy Bears, incidentally.

If you really want to get on the diva’s good side, pick out the Balmoral enameled black carriage for a mere $3,495.

There’s one $289 suede play mat. Guess they’ll have to share.

No, it’s smeared with the blood of woodland animals and it’s for Marc.

The cheapest item is the Adiri Natural Nurser at $22. Lopez wants 10 of those.

Also for Marc.

J.Lo’s twins will live the high life [NY Daily News]