Marcover: Work It Out
20 December 2007, 1:30 PM. By Guanabee Staff
Mark is a single, gay Cuban-American living in New York—a city some say is the toughest place in America to be single. After a few false starts, he’s finally ready to go out and meet the guy of his dreams. But, first, he’d like a little bit of friendly help from Guanabee. We’ll send him to a gym, give him some style tips, get him a new outfit and turn him into Prince Charming by Valentine’s Day. So join Associate Editor Alex Alvarez as she and Guanabee help Mark get a new look, a new perspective and, hopefully, a hot new Argentine boyfriend. Because everyone could use a Marcover now and again. Your life depends on it. No pressure, though.
So what to do about Mark? I’ve decided that my main goal in -forcing- gently prodding him to do this whole “Marcover” is to help him be happy. So, in order to cultivate some sort of lasting happiness, one must move beyond the superficial. Thus, it’s more important for him to be healthy, diet and exercise-wise, than to look any particular way, right?
Hahaha. Yeah. I couldn’t even type that with a straight face.
As a -good- -mediocre- tolerable friend, I should really look out for Mark and make sure he eats healthfully and maintains a good exercise regimen. So that’s just what I’ll do. Next step: Get Mark fit. We checked in on him while he was preparing for the gym, looking cute and vulnerable. Look, Mark can tie his shoes! Cutely and vulnerably.
Mark went to the gym and milled some tread (treaded some mill?) while watching trashy TV. I helped by eating powdered sugar Pop’ems and declaring they go straight to your thighs. Then I took a nap, to show how laziness gets you nowhere. Then, I combed the internets for a festive buddy icon while Mark showered and got ready for dinner:
Then, we danced to German pop songs, because that burns calories and also we weren’t drunk. Not too drunk.
Well, it looks like Phase 1 of the Marcover is a-go. He’s working out regularly, eating healthy food and trying to stay away from burritos. Good job, Mark. You’ll be bouncing quarters off your ass in no time, my friend.
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haha. eightball.
you better get the trainer mark! your exploits/exploitation make my day seem shorter!
why marcover? shouldn’t it be markover?
@ JAV!ER: ‘Cuz his commenter name is “Marco.” See?
@ JAV!ER: duh, newbie. ;)
He doesn’t need a Marcover.
Marc, mijo. Listen. There are places that cater to menz who will totes dig you.
Go to the Boots and Saddles, Ty’s or Dugout. All of these fine establishments are on Christopher St.
Its a good place for a nice cub to find some man-bear action.
As someone who is in a long term fag/hag relationship, listen to what I say.
Trust.
Ay, Alex. Now that I know our AIM conversations might be made public, I’m going to have performance anxiety.
@Janie. Thanks dollface. This is for me too, trust me. Daddy is a princess and doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to. And I don’t think I’m hairy enough to be a bear….
@ Marco. Grasshopper, you won’t know about the hair requisites if you don’t venture out to the cave.
Mai gheys swear that entering those places is like finding the Holy Grail.
I recommend a recognizance trip to the Dugout, for research purposes of course.
@Janie: i really heart you.
@Marco: not to negate Janie’s suggestions, but venturing into the heart of darkness known as the bear community (which i call ‘the dumpster’) can be scary at best. many are super nice but most of them have so much baggage it’s like lost and found at la guardia. tread carefully, bring snacks and snark. and lots of beer money.
@ella: thanks ruca, alex answered the question
Before I let y’all indulge on the Bearhaterade, I was just informed by mai ghey that the term for Marc would be “beaver”
that’s right. “Beaver”
@ el smrtmnky. Totes love you too chickidee, but in defense of “dumpster diving”, let me just say that baggage is everywhere in the dating scene, and like the lost and found at LaGuardia, some of its baggage is small carry ons, some are full sets of luggage, some are trunks, and some are boxes whose contents were spilled during travel. In any case, when we pick partners, we pick how much baggage we can handle.
If that involves me being what frat boys are on an eternal quest for achieving, well, heeey! Let the games begin!
a ‘beaver,’ eh? thought more ‘otterish’ to me. but don’t forget to put that brown hankie in the right jean pocket.