Our Spirit Guide Advises Us To Head To Texas For Legal Peyote. Also, Our Hand Is Talking To Us Again.

Mauro Morales is a “peyotero” from Rio Grande City, Texas and our new very best friend in the entire world:

Mauro Morales has chickens in his yard, deer antlers hanging from the fence and a shed full of peyote behind his house.

There is a God and, just like we suspected, he agrees with our stance on deer antlers being an ever-acceptable and tasteful decorative touch:

A slight, balding man in his 60s, Morales is one of just three “peyoteros” in the country licensed by the government to sell the small green cactus that contains the hallucinogen mescaline.

His profession is an old one that used to be more common along the Rio Grande, the only place where peyote grows in the United States. Now it is threatened by the forces of modernity.

Modernity is a cold-hearted bitch. How is it that Morales is able to sell this anyway? If you’d kindly stop turning into a giant, talking earthworm in a sombrero, we’ll tell you:

His customers are the 250,000 to 400,000 members of the Native American Church, the only people in the United States for whom peyote is legal.

The government warily allows them to buy it because it has been part of indigenous religious ceremonies for centuries.

All we ever get from our religion is a cute school uniform and a pervasive feeling of overwhelming guilt.

Texan deals peyote legally [Reuters]