Ten Things Every Latino Needs For Christmas
20 December 2007, 9:05 AM. By Guanabee Staff
We learn everything we’ve ever learned about anything, ever, from TV and music videos. With that in mind, we’d like to use the knowledge we’ve gathered from being raised by an electronic babysitter to make a list of the Top Ten Things Every Latino Needs For Christmas, According To The Media:
- An oversized t-shirt featuring Tweetie Bird dressed as a thug
- Custom-made hoop earrings featuring the name “Yesleysis” in fancy script
- A green card. Sense of self-respect, however, is completely optional.
- Inglés Sin Barreras.
- Tamales, hot.
- Baby wipes.
- Two dozen or so air fresheners.
- Sharpies.
- More gasoline.
- Walkie-talkies.
We’ve come a long way, babies.
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Sombrero, serape and a siesta
A psychic reading by Walter Mercado…
a razr…
jajaja!
But of COURSE!
1.An imitation barbie doll that you get at the dollar store and placed in an “American Girl” bag. (Pues es lo mismo, no?)
2. Regifted manicure and pedicure set.
3. A bottle of Tres Rosas brilliantine.
4. A vintage bottle of Cholula.
5. A bag of MasaHarina to make more tamales.
6. A DVD of Parchis’ La Guerra de los Ninos ( a pirated version of course, you can tell by the missing tilde over the n )
7. A ticket to Spain just to see what all those Ecuadorans are raving about.
8. A sticker to put on your troca that says “Soy de Mexico, Cabrones!”
9. A Dora The Explorer DVD so that you can teach your kids to speak Spanish so they can communicate with their abuelita.
10. A bag of sugar free churros (parkay ay que watchear la diabeetus)
The name of Walter Mercado’s plastic surgeon. So I can stay the hell away from him.
@ Janie A Go-Go: Oh man, I remember my grandmother buying me those “Barbara” dolls. Their skin changed to a greenish color after about a week.
@…dijo Alex. Did you get the cheapie ceramic tea set that was made in China? The one you were not allowed to play with because it was too precious?
I think we weren’t allowed to play with it because it was made with lead….bueno…eso digo yo!
@ Janie A Go-Go: Yes! Memorieeeessss. I also had various makeup kits from 99 cent stores. No one looks as cute in hooker makeup as a five-year-old chubby girl with a pageboy haircut and Keds.
@…dijo Alex. Totes memories! I so had that haircut till I was 13!!! Dios Mio!!
Remember when your tia would put the whore makeup on you and then tell you that your Tio Pepe was your novio?
**crickets**
and people wonder why I drink.
Where is the ‘Abuelita’ chocolate?
i’m going to michoacan, mexico on saturday… here’s what i’ll be getting myself for christmas:
to eat: huchepos con crema y salsa
to drink: michelada (i can’t make em like they do in apatzingan)
to sleep (and bring back to my house): a good hamaca
for fun (and maybe bring home): cuetes
for mi novia: dance lessons?
…and of course whatever pirateria i can get my hands on
I actually asked my sister for the hoop earings with my name in it… i can’t wait!
I also want a leather belt with my last name on it from the pulga but maybe that is going a little too far.
BTW I used to have a tweety bird oversized tshirt… i used to sleep in it but he didn’t look like a thug.
@ Janie A Go-Go: You make me want to start a fund for you or something. Pobrecita.
@ ella No one believes me when I say I want a yogurt maker…or lottery tickets
Good thing for teamales or else we would have had nothing to unwrap for christmas.
I REALLY want a copy of “Diego Saves Christmas,” which features, Diego, on his llama, saving Christmas. I see it everytime I check out at the grocery store. Too bad its $21.99…