We like tamales as much as the next person, but we never knew they were associated with Christmas, because, in the beautiful serape of Latin American culture, we are on a totally different thread. So, we decided to offer a very brief overview on who celebrates Christmas how, besides “in a drunken stupor.” Some things, you see, are universal:

The Mexican Christmas season extends from mid-December through to Candlemas on February 2nd. Starting with the posadas on December 16th, a series of processions and parties remembering Mary and Joseph’s search for shelter, and ending 40 days after Christmas when Mary would have taken baby Jesus to the temple to be blessed.

They also, apparently, have singing tamales to usher in the birth of our Savior.

In Puerto Rico, people celebrate by scaring the shit out of their passed-out friends:

What makes our Christmas different? First, most “Ricans” pretend to be jíbaros (or claim to be from el campo) during the holidays. We have a “pava” (traditional straw-hat) in storage just for Christmas.

Puerto Ricans are known for their unforgettable “parrandas or trullas navideñas”. A parranda is when a small group of friends gathers together to “asaltar” or surprise another friend. It’s the Puerto Rican version of Christmas caroling. Most parranderos play some sort of instrument, either guitarras, tamboriles, güiro maracas, or palitos. And they all sing. A parranda tends to be more secular than religious however many of the traditional aguinaldos (Puerto Rican Christmas songs) retain the holiday spirit.

The parranderos arrive at the destination and then very quietly gather by the front door. At a signal all start playing their instruments and singing. The parrandas usually begin after 10pm in order to surprise and wake the sleeping friend. The parranderos are invited in and refreshments, music and dance follow. Of course we don’t surprise unsuspecting victims. The parranderos are given plenty of “hints” before hand by the homeowner that he is ready to receive a parranda.

Hahahaha, fun!

As for Cubans, we tend to eat a lot of pork, a lot of congri, a lot of yucca with mojito sauce and a lot of Cuban bread while our grandmother tells us how skinny we are and someone inevitably asks us if we’re dating anyone while glancing at our empty ring finger and, with special pork-fortified X-ray vision, peering also into our desolate womb. Then we eat turrón and drink until someone says something sexist or racist and we die inside and wait for Noche Buena to be over.

Eh. Meri Crihmah a todos! And do feel free to share your own horror holiday stories and traditions.

Christmas Traditions [Las Culturas]
Christmas in Mexico [About]
A Puerto Rican Christmas [El Boricua]