You Got Some 'Splaining To Do: Why Do Latinos Kiss Hello?

It wasn’t until we left to the Northeast for college that we realized kissing hello can really weird some people out. Why do Latinos do this? Perhaps it’s because we are such a spicy people. Or maybe we come from a culture where people are, on the whole, more immediately intimate with one another. Or maybe we just like leaving our lipstick on your cheek, asshole. Whatever the case, we’ve grown up with everyone from young guys to old women laying one on us as a way of saying both hello and good-bye. "Hi!" he says brightly, the space between you rapidly diminishing as he makes his way across the room. You fiddle with the pre-frayed ends of your vertically integrated, organic cotton tunic and smile nervously. "Hi," you croak in response. His face is now inches from yours. You lean in, pucker your lips and... "Uh. Hehe. Whoa. What?" He chuckles nervously and takes a step back. Shit. Why this reaction? Had you forgotten to floss? Did you have pit stains? Did he notice your cold sore? You look down and see... his hand. Extended. Anticipating a handshake. Curses! Foiled again by The Gringo Shake! In our personal experiences with hello kisses and their resulting awkwardness, these greetings don’t involve actual lip-to-skin contact but, rather, are more of a cheek-to-cheek kind of deal. Which sometimes leaves us in awkward situations when we’re greeted by a Spaniard or someone of South American descent, who sometimes try to trip us up with a double, and sometimes triple, kiss. So we're wondering. Do you kiss hello? Do your non-Latino friends ever get freaked out when you lean in for a smooch? And how many times do you kiss: one cheek? Twice? Three times in rapid succession, like some sort of horrible Eurotrash douchenozzle? Also, do you ever throw a little ear nibble in for good measure? Not that we do that. Ever. Maybe.