California is set to distribute vending machines that would sell medical marijuana. Oh, hey, guess who has some terrible incurable disease that has just… manifested… itself. Right this moment:

The machines can only be used by people who have been prescribed the drug for health reasons.

Patients will have to provide a prescription, and be fingerprinted and photographed before being allowed to use the facilities.

That’s because the cops and, like, the government are always watching you. They’re probably watching right now. You’re our best friend. Hey, don’t tell our mom about this, ok? Do you know what sounds awesome? Potato chip pizza. No, shut up. Think about it!

The operators think that vending machines issuing prescription drugs could become a common sight in the US.

Proponents say marijauna is a valuable tool for relieving pain and stimulating appetite in the sick.

However, it remains banned by the 1970 Controlled Substances Act and the US federal government does not currently recognise any legitimate medical use.

Told you they were onto us. Who are you calling? Not our mom, right? Hey, so, do you think that what we see as red is the same thing you see as red? Right! You really get us.

Marijuana vending machines in US [BBC]