Mark is a single, gay Cuban-American living in New York—a city some say is the toughest place in America to be single. After a few false starts, he’s finally ready to go out and meet the guy of his dreams. But, first, he’d like a little bit of friendly help from Guanabee. We’ll send him to a gym, give him some style tips, get him a new outfit and turn him into Prince Charming by Valentine’s Day. So join Associate Editor Alex Alvarez as she and Guanabee help Mark get a new look, a new perspective and, hopefully, a hot new Argentine boyfriend. Because everyone could use a Marcover now and again. Your life depends on it. No pressure, though.

Face it, kittens: Dating?

It’s hard.

Most people suck, bars are full of grabby drunks who often reek of both alcohol and desperation, STDs abound and there aren’t a whole lot of guys out there who are willing to bite down on a gimp ball and take a flogging like a good boy. It’s tough. And I can imagine it’s even tougher if you’re gay and find yourself being placed in certain categories or confined to certain bars or clubs or neighborhoods by others.

So, because my experience with homosexuality is limited to Pride Week parties where I know there will be free alcohol, I decided that it would be in Mark’s best interest to set up an appointment with Guanabee’s own lovely and talented Gay Shrink. And, sure, his advice is aimed directly at Mark, but I’m pretty confident that readers straight, gay or otherwise will find these tips immensely helpful.

Dear Mark,

Thank you for contacting me regarding your Marcover. Retooling your body, mind, and spirit, is quite the undertaking, so I will do my best to help you navigate around some of the GAY roadblocks you encounter.

CHALLENGE #1 –“Where do I meet men, I tend to find most of the gay venues kind of awful”

What is it about the truck stop bathroom that makes you uncomfortable? Just kidding, well sort of. Meeting men can happen anywhere you just have to be open to the opportunity. Gay men have historically hit the bar scene because it provided a safe, discreet place for men to be open and free about their sexuality. In larger urban areas, gay men are fortunate to have more free range with respect to being out and open, so men meet each other all over the place. Obviously, the location often dictates the kind of experience you are going to have. I personally have not heard any stories of long term romance that began in adjacent urinals at the truck stop.

The obvious choices for meeting men: Bars, Clubs and Online Chat rooms. These often facilitate hook ups before honeymoons, so be prepared that many men would like to F#$% first, and get your name afterwards.

I often tell clients —If you go into a bar and talk to no one, you leave feeling rejected by everyone. If you talk to ten guys and 7 reject you, but 3 don’t, you will leave the bar feeling like a success. We tend to forget the rejections when we have some validation mixed in.

Some venues for meeting men:

1. Coffee Shop in gay neighborhood (bring a book—it will make you look smart and help with any anxiety about hanging out alone.)

2. GLBT community center—here you will find a lot of opportunites to socialize, join a group, be in the know, and where else are you likely to find drag queen bingo night?

3. Gym—while this can replicate what goes on at the local truck stop, the gym can also be a place to see the same faces, recognize people with similar goals and challenge you to say hi , ask how people are doing, etc.

4. Finally, the street. Cruising continues to be a tried and true phenomenon. While it is not the 70’s anymore, gay men are always letting you know they have eyes for you on the street. You have to be paying attention though and looking as well. Typically men look—-walk a few paces, stop and look back. If both guys are looking back, we have a potential match. We also have the moment many guys freak out. So—-if you find yourself at this moment. Suck it up and go say hi. Most people are anxious during these moments and simply need someone to make the first move. Like the 70’s though, some guys may just ask you up—and when they do, it is not for conversation.

CHALLENGE #2- “I think I make the mistake of being too available and way needy—so I feel sometimes I care too much and that pushes guys away or I get so disappointed when guys flake on me or don’t keep their word”

You are not alone in your confusion as to what men want and trying to understand what men say. Again though, you have to know your audience. If a man wants to get in your pants—he will say anything, promise you the moon, engage your rocket, provide lift off and have you seeing stars—-but there are no plans for a long stay at the space station. Add a little alcohol, drugs, last call and hours online and this is probably the goal of a would be suitor. So, you can’t be naïve to where, how, and who you are putting yourself out to. You have to both pay attention to what you want to hear from a guy and LISTEN to what he is saying.

Now DATING men is another story. When gay men manage to communicate their desire to sit down for coffee or to break bread with another homo and communication ensues, this is your opportunity to breathe and take it easy. There is no need to rush into the “what does all this mean and start picking out the china” this is the time to practice, practice, practice saying what you want—clearly, articulately, and honestly. I am not a big fan of games—-i.e. wait 2 days to call, don’t sleep with someone until the 3rd date, etc., but I am a big fan of communication and listening to what the other person is saying. I also encourage you to follow your gut. If you want to call—call— be confident about what you want, and let people know what is important to you. When you get disappointed though, don’t always assume the worst—-things come up—-you don’t want to preempt a potential good thing, buy having a Swingers moment and exposing the unattractive needy that no one—including yourself wants to see. Finally, dating should be fun. Conversation should be easy if there is chemistry between you both, so if conversation is sucking, but you cannot stop thinking about wanting to suck just imagine your audience naked and go from there.

Yes! See? Always trust good looking people. This is all excellent advice. Which Mark will take to heart and put into practice.

This weekend.