Now That J-Lo Is Somebody’s Fat Mom, God Gives Us La La
11 January 2008, 9:00 AM. By Alex Alvarez
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. And now that Jennifer Lopez is approaching menopause, we need a new ’round-the-way fillet. Enter La La. The MySpace barrio hoochie with the cut-off Raiders jersey to match her equally ghetto vocal chords. A tipster wrote in to say he spotted her recently on an episode of Alex’s favorite show, “LA Ink” getting a tattoo. No me digas! We appreciate her not missing one chicano cliché in this video, either. See if you can spot them all, won’t you?
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1. Raised by abuelita
2. Virgen de Guadalupe mural
3. Necklace with name
4. Those nails!
5. All the religious iconography
6. Mexican flag
7. Pictures of her friends around the mirror
8. The can of hairspray by her mirror
9. there’s a charro at the beginning
10. lowrider
11. Old-school baseball cap in your gang color
12. the Oldsmobile
13. the small meals with the large ass drinks
14. The single mamacitas reference (2:30)
15. rosary around the neck and that pompadour (I think)
16. All those damn gold bracelets.
17. The pristine white shoes. At the beach.
18. that purple sweater (go lakers!)
there must be more.
I full-out donkey laughed when I read that title. And burned my esophagus with my café con leche in the process.
at first i thought this was funny, but now i’m just bewildered and embarassed. bring J.Lo back!
CHOLA ALERT!! … She’s so classy, but wasn’t La La a dumbass VJ on MTV?
This really makes me appreciate and miss J.Lo.
TFW?!? What about the “homies figures.”:http://www.homiesworld.com/characters/ Those shits are totes cliched. And mad collectible, apparently.
Also…the massive styrofoam cups enclosing the massive drinks Diego refers to. Entirely and completely barrio. I was secretly hoping for an Orange Bang logo to appear.
And: tight chola pants. Hello?
y…EastLos shoot location. What happened to Pacoima, Sylmar, or Canoga Park? Plenty of raza outside of Boyle Heights, etc., and still in L.A. and still chicano.
What’s more important, perhaps, are the continuity errors.
@Yasuri. I think that the “VJ you’re referring to”:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_La_(entertainer) is a Nuyorican currently in and engaged to Carmelo Anthony. Close but no tamale.
and don’t forget the I’m so hard and down but still so fiiiiine look she has on her face!
@ pocho: Dude, Pacoima and Sylmar are far too ghetto. Far more ghetto than that video needed to be.
And where did you see cholos in Canoga Park? haha.
ijole lmao….i just saw the youtube comments….
Ay, ay, ay! I better break out my size 42 Dickies and my Joker shirt! Well, to be fair, she’s the mouthpiece of the neglected Chicano community!
@ pocho_guey_al_norte:
Suppossedly it’s in and around Van Nuys. “Where I’m [she's] from.”
@ Dan: Cholos in Canoga Park? Check out Sherman Way and Variel.
You know, there are times when I get homesick, and I reflect back growing up a young Spic-a-rella in TX, but this one is not one of them.
I did not see a SINGLE can of AquaNet and a lighter at 1:36 in this video. Estas Bratz don’t know nothing about esquina!
@Dan: Try the area marked off between Topanga and Winnetka to the west and east (esp. DeSoto), and Vanowen and Roscoe/maybe Parthenia to the south and north. Many happened to roll with CPA. Ring a bell? There or Lanark Park.
That was not a funny haha.
@ChupaCaBrooklyn: Funny you mention VN, so thanks for the check. Here at work I had to keep the sound low, so no auditory cues. All visual. My bad.
That music is as about as Latino as Vanilla Ice is R&B.
BOOOOO!
Grammy? Latin Grammy?
Oh yeah. Hell yeah.
2008 Nominee for MEL??Anyone?
I recommend, maybe prematurely, an ALMA award nomination. I can see Edward James Olmos gettin’ totally jealous by her steppin’ in on his action.
I just noticed the Barbie doll in the vestido tradicional at the beginning. I f****** love this video.
Oh shiiiit. I totally have… um, had… the Mexican Barbie shown at the beginning.
Thats why I hate cholas from LA, the SF ones have waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more class….NOT!
Who would produce that video, seriously needs to get tortured and then shot. The only thing missing is the little loca mole.
I jus threw up a lil in my mouth rite now. Who told this breezy she can sing? Her homegirls?
they forgot to add the thong hanging out as cholas tend sag their pants…
@ latingamer:
The real down home cholas are in Oakland
Don’t loook at me puppet….don’t look at me!!!!!!
@xica_xicana
and they all hangout at that mall in Hayward…talking shit to anyone who looks at their way…seriously why would anyone want to look at those missed abortions is beyond me….
LOL yea they really fuck up my Southland experience
is it me or does this chick look mad old?
damn this song is wack too.
i’m sorry mexicanas and R&B dont mix…
maybe if she was rican or cuban or costa rican . .
Wait, let me get this straight cause I’m a suburban Latino. So, you ghetto Mexicans DO collect homies which you picked up from the tiendita in your low rider passing the big mural of La Virgen wearing big gold necklaces so that everyone knows your name. Huh. I guess what my primo Benny told me was true.
que la fregada
If her abuela raised such a ‘lady’ why is she got her top up so we can see the bra?La cabrona looks way too old to be doing that kind of non sense.
I thought the LA/Coast xicano artists were supposed to be all cutting edge? Ni maiz
BTW homies are played out unless you collect the ghetto perros
Sadgirl indeed
you know, there’s no cholas in south la, and well… i really wished there were some when i was growing up!
i know, it’s sad, but i missed out on a lot of mexican experiences because of it!