Remember when we reported on the face-meltingly hot nuptials of Vogue’s Lauren Davis and Bolivian billionaire Andres Santo Domingo? Obviously, you’ve thought of nothing else, you impoverished cretin. Well now there’s photographic evidence of just how fabulous these sweaty people are and how utterly worthless your own life is in comparison. So brush off your Muffy and grasp tightly onto your Chadwick; it’s time to take a peek into The Life You Are Not Living:

The scene: Baru, a private Colombian island just off Cartagena. The wedding party gathers outside, taking in the gentle perfume of night-blooming tropical flowers mingled with the salty-sweet scent of the sea. Bridesmaids laugh expensively in their expensive designer dresses. Some guy in a white jacket is slipping something into his lady friend’s champagne flute, expensively. Another young gentleman, wearing his tie around his head, lifts his own flute in the air and says, expensively, “Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends!” Partygoers laugh encouragingly, assuring him, for the moment, that he will not die unloved and alone of a coke-fueled heart attack between a strange prostitute’s legs somewhere in TriBeCa.

This dapper young man exudes happiness and perhaps a little Rohypnol through every single pore. He also exudes a slightly wet fart, which is awesome, Brometheus! Watch out, Lady In Red Dress. He will unscrupulously pilfer your dignity, just as he seems to have stolen your feet. Just kidding. Minnie Mortimer Gaghan is married to Stephen Gaghan, the guy in the center in the photo above the jump, and Peter Davis is a gay.

This nice young lady is an American socialite named Tinsley Mortimer. But, really, what else would her name be? The man behind her is just noticing her tail. It is fabulous.

These two young ladies are trying to ascertain from whence that offensive odor wafts. Given her proclivity for shiny men with insincere smiles, our money is on the Lady In Red.

Earlier: Colombian Socialite Weddings Are So Hot Right Now