We normally try to stay the hell away from sports unless it involves shirtless pictures of David Beckham (you’re welcome), but lately sports are treading dangerously close to our territory now that Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo has decided to knock knockers with Texas native “singer” and “actress” Jessica Simpson. It seems there’s some “big” “game” this “weekend” (sorry, the quotation marks are hard to stop) between the New York Giants and the Dallas Cowboys and everyone in the world who gives a shit about this sort of thing wants Romo to prepare for it by remaining holed up in a hotel room watching game reels not holed up in a hotel room inside Jessica’s hole. Also! Cowboys fans think she’s the Yoko Ono to his John Lennon or something. Says the New York Times. (Yes, the freaking New York Times is writing about who Jessica Simpson is fucking. We told you this situation is getting WAY out of hand.):

There is also a half-joking sense that Simpson is a bad influence on Romo and the Cowboys, a presence as feared as the Giants’ front four. When she was at Texas Stadium on Dec. 16 during a loss to the Eagles, wearing a Romo jersey with a pink No. 9, Romo had his worst statistical day of the season. She reportedly will not be at the game Sunday.

We can confirm that this morning our Texan roommate totally went off on how she made the Cowboys lose their last game and said that she’s a big-boobied, blonde beeotchio. (And we thought Menudo fans were psycho.) The best part of all this, in our opinion, is how giant, macho professional athletes are now reduced to musing about the affair like Gossip Girl-style sycophants:

Such discussions reached inside the Giants’ locker room, sprinkled amid the usual conversations regarding strategy, injury reports and the relevance of previous matchups.

“He plays loose,” Giants linebacker Kawika Mitchell said, straight-faced. “And I would assume he lives his life like that — real relaxed.”

We don’t feel comfortable with this conversation anymore.

Now That Romo Has Rested, Critics Ask if He’s Ready [New York Times]