It’s widely suspected that Hugomi got their start during their now infamous British GQ interview from October of last year. So the editors of Guanabee went back to the beginning to provide you with in between the lines analysis of that fateful meeting.

After an introduction during which Naomi Campbell calls Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez her “rebel angel” and admits she’s not going to criticize or question his politics (most likely because she hasn’t read a newspaper since, well, ever) the British GQ “interview” entitled, “When The Supermodel Met The Potentate,” commences. This consists of a roughly three-page platform for Chavez to pontificate on the various ways in which George Bush is the devil (obvs!), that the Empire of the Eagle is falling (By 2010—plan your party now.) and how everyone but “the people” and Harry Belafonte want him dead. Then, on page four, the real (read: Supermodel) questions begin.

Naomi: How do you relax?
[Translation: Seriously. How do you sleep at night?]
Chavez: I love cinema-all of it, old and new
[Translation: Porn.]

Naomi: Do you work out?
[Translation: Wow. You must have some stamina.]
Chavez: I got to the gym. I run.
[Translation: They call me El Caballo Rojo—The Red Horse.]

Naomi: Are you still close to Jimmy Carter?
[Translation: You’re not gay, are you?]
Chavez: He’s my friend. I have met him in difficult situations and we have built a friendship. I have much respect for him.
[Translation: I’ve never had sex with a man.]

Naomi: And Bill Clinton?
[Translation: You’re not defining sex like Bill Clinton?]
Chavez: No, I don’t have a friendship with him. We spoke several times but we’re not friends.
[Translation: Not even I am that obtuse.]

Naomi: When did you last speak to Gordon Brown?
[Translation: Do you have any idea what’s going on in British politics?]
Chavez: I have never spoken to him. I did speak once with Tony Blair.
[Translation: Britain really doesn’t matter anymore, does it?]

Naomi: Who is the most stylish world leader?
[Translation: Great, let’s move on to something I actually understand.]
Chavez: Fidel of course! His uniform is impeccable. His boots are polished, his beard is elegant.
[Translation: If I don’t say Fidel, I will disappear in the middle of the night.]

Naomi: Would you go topless like Vladimir Putin?
[Translation: Think of my breasts.]
Chavez: Why not? Touch my muscles!
[Translation: Why not? Touch my boner!]

Naomi: Do you know the Spice Girls?
[Tranlsation: I’m like Sporty, but with a cell phone.]
Chavez: I have memories of them.
[Translation: Wow. You’re really not going to try and break this “dumb Supermodel” stereotype at all, are you? Here, let me steer you back…]
Chavez: I know the Queen of England, though.
Naomi: I don’t.
[Translation: Stuck up bitch.]

Naomi: Is she nice?
[Translation: Did you sleep with her?!]
Chavez: I sent her a present.
[Translation: It meant nothing.]
Chavez: Coming down from Buckingham palace, I gave her a coin with her face on it.
[Ed. Note: Uh…Doesn’t she already have access to those?]

Naomi: You have to come back to London.
[Translation: The shopping in Venezuela sucks.]
Chavez: Are you inviting me? Do you know Prince Charles?
[Translation: Would you sleep with me if I did? Have you slept with Prince Charles?]

Naomi: I have met him. I knew Princess Diana.
[Translation: Please. Diana told me what a lousy lay he is.]
Chavez: I like the Prince. Now he has Camilla, his new girl. She’s not as attractive, is she?
[Ed. Note: No need to translate. He kind of just put that one out there, didn’t he?]

Naomi: You have a great sense of humour…
[Translation: You have enough power to overcome your unfortunate looks.]
Chavez: I try to. Humour is a part of life. Otherwise it is too boring.

Then he tells a joke about Bo Derek ending up in hell and having to spend eternity making love to him as her punishment. This is no doubt most upsetting to Bo Derek, but apparently a turn on to Ms. Campbell. What do you guys think? Love in the time of pneumonia or trix are for kids (and megalomaniacal socialists?)