Chronically Illin’ Like A Villain: Like, So What’s Fidel Doing To Keep Busy These Days?

Now that he’s got that whole “running a Communist dictatorship for five decades” thing under his belt, we can’t help but wonder what Fidel Castro is going to do to keep himself busy. Playing Scrabulous and feverishly adding more and more glittery .gifs of gyrating chongas to one’s MySpace gets old after a while, you know? So we’ve come up with a few little guesses as to what, exactly, Fidelito is doing with all his free time:

• Calling up Cruz Beckham to ask, “Hey little man, how you move so sweet? I got the illin’ tracksuits, but I lack the dope beats.”
• Gathering up his closest compadres, like Hugo Chavez, for a rollicking game of Pog.
• Fashioning a mohawk out of shaving cream during his morning routine.
• Prank calling the CIA by asking to speak with a Mr. “Marty Cohen.”
• Taking super cute profile pics in the bathroom, where the lighting is like really flattering.
• Typing “first BITCHESSS!!1!1!!!” while checking P*r*z Hilton’s site to see if he’s dead yet / what Britney is up to these days.
• Playing darts with a Che poster because, ok. Seriously? He never really even liked that dude anyway. You try making friends while forcing people into labor camps and taking away their homes, jobs and schools.
• Kicking ass.
• Taking names.
• Reading Guanabee, natch.