Jessica Alba had a tough childhood of large boobs and being liked by boys. Spending most of junior high writing goth poetry in Marble notebooks while listening to Orgy is infinitely more fun:

Jessica Alba knows the trauma of developing a big chest at an early age - she says she was labeled a sixth-grade slut by her elementary school principal and a couple of “self-righteous” PTA moms. “The accusation still ricochets … They think I’m a slut?,” Alba recalls in “If I’d Known Then,” Ellyn Spragins’ upcoming book of essays by female celebrities. Alba adds: “Boys are awful. They are made of nothing but hormones until they’re about 20 or 21 … It’s fun to have a crush, but don’t think it’s forever … And use birth control and condoms, please.”

That’s good advice coming from a pregnant lady. Good suggestion about the birth control, though. It gives some of us the boobs of a sixth grader, apparently.

JESSICA’S BURDEN [Page Six]