At a time when our country is divided between Latinos — with their big, loud family dinners; tacky, poorly-parked cars; large, frightening, throbbing members and forked tongues that spill forth mysterious languages — and People Who Aren’t Latinos, only one man can bring us all together. That man? Ron Paul. He has passionate, chipotle-tinged Latino blood flowing through his veins. But because Mickster will probably be elected President of the United States before Ron Paul ever will, we’ll just settle on basking in the wisdom of Stephen Colbert, who teaches us that there is no way to “look” Puerto Rican and that, together, Latino and Black men will put Whitey out of business.