The Good, The Bad And Jessica Alba: Oscar Fashions, Ripped At The Seams
Well The Oscars, not unlike a cold sore, struck us full-force once again and this year’s was probably among the most boring ever. Jon Stewart is no Billy Crystal or Steve Martin. Raising one’s eyebrows while looking uncomfortable does not an Oscar host make. As for the red carpet, well. You know it’s a tough year when Gary Busey is the most interesting thing to happen the entire evening. As for the fashions? There were some good, some bad. And some Jessica Alba:
Cameron Diaz looked like a Kleenex after a particularly satisfying sneeze. We like the dress, but homeskillet (die a thousand deaths, Diablo Cody) looks homely. And we actually think Cameron is usually pretty well put-together.
Jessica Alba, patron saint of Guanabee and an actress who will certainly not be a stranger to The Oscars in the years to come, looks like the personification and literalization of the term “sour grapes.” While the feathers look straight-up Special Ed art project, the color is beautiful on her. Know what else would have been lovely on her? A smile.
Penelope Cruz’s dress is kind of weird, but it totally works on her. In fact, everything works on her. And she’s got big boobs. And Javier Bardem. Whatever. You were in Women on Top. Don’t get too high and mighty.
Ah, Javier Bardem. Mr. Best Supporting Actor! So talented. So handsome. So ESL. He could wear anything from a burlap sack to Penelope Cruz and we’d still punch a baby in the face for the chance to sit on his lap.
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I’m glad to see he didn’t wear his depression haircut to the Othcarth. I think the best part of the whole night was Kimmel’s “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck.”
Posted by Diego | February 25, 2008
I don’t think I could have written this line better myself!!
“He could wear anything from a burlap sack to Penelope Cruz and we’d still punch a baby in the face for the chance to sit on his lap.”
Posted by bazooka joe | February 25, 2008
Don’t forget about Bandidas either. Penelope has a lot to be ashamed of. But yes, beautiful…
Posted by Marco | February 25, 2008
wow talk about waterboarding and torture….3 Enchanted songs nominated?
….the ceremony was awful, good thing Bardem won tho
Posted by ponte | February 25, 2008
This was actually the first Oscars ceremony I’ve watched full-way through. Then again, I was rooting for There Will Be Blood, so I had something to keep me going (though very few validations).
And I hated Penelope Cruz’s dress. How is that not ugly, people? Kimora Lee Simmons and Giuliana Rancic (horrible new last name, by the way) seemed to love it.
And I watched the Gary Busey thing live on TV and didn’t find it thrilling. Jennifer Garner’s reaction was funny, but I didn’t find the experience thrilling. In fact, when were the Oscars ever supposed to be thrilling to anyone not in the industry? People keep talking about “the most boring Oscars ever” (in regard to many past years) and I just wonder, “Has anyone seen an Oscars presentation that wasn’t boring?” And don’t give me that Billy Crystal crap. he wasn’t that entertaining to watch either.
Posted by Fat Elvis | February 25, 2008
@Fat Elvis - I watch every year. I agree this year was boring. Don’t ask me why. I liked Ellen as a host much more. This year had nothing but montages. Boring.
I liked Penelope Cruz’s dress. And yeah, I watched the Gary Busey thing too. It wasn’t a big deal, but I knew it was going to be the only thing anyone talked about/be all over youtube today.
Posted by Marco | February 25, 2008
As I was watching last night, I thought Gary Busey was weird but that’s normal for him. It was no biggie. Then this morning all I kept hearing was “Gary A-busey.”
I thought they’d focus more on the pregnant women walking around on that slippery stage. Or those long, boring video montages. Or that cool speech moment by Markéta Irglová. But, no. We got Busey.
Posted by Latin_Princess | February 25, 2008