If you’ve ever felt your melanin was getting in the way of allowing your inner beauty to shine through, well. You’re not alone. Women in Thailand have learned from commercials that they have the exact same problem. “Smooth E. White Cream” promises to make your skin white and pure as the new-fallen snow piled up outside your local Klan meeting-place or Cosmo offices, so that when you act like a good, white Samaritan by helping a man in drag pick dishes from the floor, everyone will comment on the inner beauty streaming out through your pores in rays of brilliant white light. “Smooth E. White Cream” is also great as a moisturizer, shampoo and toothpaste. Unless our boyfriend is a liar.

Earlier: Don’t It Make Your Brown Eyes Blue?: New Beauty Product Promises To Make Your Asshole A Thing Of Beauty