Celebrity Sex Dolls Will Totally Inflate Your Sense Of Desperate Loneliness

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to sleep with a celebrity? Other than Dakota Fanning, people. Well, Pipedream Products, makers of various novelty sex toys, has come out with a line of “love dolls” modeled after some of your favorite celebrities. There’s a “Dirty Christina” doll, for those of you who wondered what it might feel like to have sex with a flimsy piece of plastic with something vaguely resembling Christina Aguilera’s features sort of hapharzardly stapled onto it, a “Lindsay Fully Loaded” doll, and, our favorite, the “J-Ho” doll. Because any woman or woman-like object who is willing to have sex is, obvs, a whore.

Objectification of women aside, what intrigues us most about these dolls is the fact that they in no way resemble any woman who is not a manga character crossed with a five-year-old’s doodling. Case in point? The J-Ho doll whose “thick, round butt is begging to be squeezed, spanked and pounded deep.” Begging? Who knew Jennifer Lopez’s ass was capable of cognizant thought? Or that it would look so… pointy. No, seriously, take a look at what your purchased box looks like out of the box:

We just popped a boner so hard and unexpectedly, all our Lord of the Rings collectible action figures took a tumble off our desk.

Jho Inflatable Doll [Pimedream Producs]