“American Idol” is pretty much a festering, simmering slop of pop culture references and post-modern trainwreck-reality-TV-disguised-as-a-talent-search, served with a dash of garlic salt, so we think it’s pretty apt that “The Soup” should deem it fit to cover. They focus on two of our favorite contestants, Jessica Alba (who, in a super weird move, decides to call herself “Danny Noriega”) and little ball of cuteness, David Archewableleta. Whose severed head will soon teeter from our dashboard.

…What?