Feature: How Silda Spitzer Can Turn Her Cheating Husband Into The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Her

Guanabee editor Cindy Casares looks at a history of scorned women to advise Silda Spitzer on her next move.

I’ve been giving a lot of thought lately (who hasn’t?) to exactly what I would do if I were in Silda Spitzer’s shoes right now. How would I deal with the aftermath of my husband ruining the family name and his political career by cheating on me with a high priced call girl? $80,000 worth of them, even? Originally I was sure I would never have stood up there next to him during his resignation speech looking all supportive–okay shell shocked–like she did. In the words of The Daily Show’s correspondent Samantha Bee, “If anything, let the hooker stand up there.” But upon further reflection, I realized that while a lot of us say we don’t respect a woman who stands by a man who betrays her, case studies show that the more recklessly a woman reacts to her man’s digressions, the less likely she is to gain in the aftermath. To prove it, I’ve done a little research into the various ways women of different backgrounds have behaved in the face of betrayal and where it ultimately landed them.

Exhibit A: Lorena Bobbit

Let’s start with the most extreme reaction we have on record: Lorena Bobbit. In 1994, in a fit of temporary insanity, she cut her husband John Wayne Bobbit’s penis off while he was sleeping. Later testifying that he had abused her for years, including raping her and forcing her to have an abortion. Oh and she was overheard at her arrest mumbling:

“He [John] always have [sic] [an] orgasm and he doesn’t wait for me to have [an] orgasm.”

A prick that big doesn’t need another one, right? Initially Lorena was seen as a feminist heroin and her name did, in fact, enter the lexicon. “Dude, I thought she was gonna pull a Lorena Bobbit on me,” needs no explanation. Unless you’re nine, maybe? Or like one of our twenty-six year-old editors who asked me, “She’s the one who cut her husband’s wiener off, right?” You have to ask???? Which brings me to my point: Where is Lorena Bobbit today? Held up amongst the likes of Joan of Arc? Running for President? Hosting her own talk show? Hardly. According to Wikipedia:

In December 1997, Lorena made news when she was charged with assault for punching her mother, Elvia Gallo, as she watched television. She was eventually found guilty of assaulting her mother. As of 2007 she is employed in the Alexandria, Virginia area as a hair stylist.

Not exactly rolling in money and power. And she doesn’t seem to have overcome her violent tendencies, either. Overall, her situation sounds almost as depressing today as it was when we first met her. And that’s an interesting point in itself: Women who are bred for success know how to behave in a success-oriented manner. Poor Lorena, a working class, Ecuadorian immigrant, probably had no such grooming. Now she’s stuck in a fate worse than death–grooming others in Northern Virginia.

Exhibit B: Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes

Onward and upward. Next we examine the case of a young woman who may not have come from a very nurturing background, (her father was a neglectful alcoholic by her account), but managed to claw her way to success through hard work and talent: Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes was one third of 90’s R&B phenomena TLC and one half of a tumultuous love affair with former Atlanta Falcons wide receiver Andre Rison. In 1994, after filing several reports of abuse to the police about Rison and then finding out he had been unfaithful, Lopes set fire to Rison’s sneakers. Serves him right, huh? Well, unfortunately for her, the fire spread throughout the Atlanta mansion they shared until the whole damn thing went up in smoke. Which turns out not to be such an accident. Lopes recalled the incident years later in the VH1 documentary, The Last Days Of Lisa ‘Left Eye’ Lopes, revealing the fire got out of control because the two were too busy knocking each other’s car windows out to notice:

In addition to 5 years probation, therapy at a halfway house and a $10,000 fine for arson, Lopes continued in an on-again, off-again relationship with Rison that ultimately never resulted in marriage (definitely a good thing) and she and the rest of TLC declared bankruptcy in 1995. The band did go on to record another best selling album in 1999, but they never did get back together in quite the same way. After the release of the album, entitled “Fanmail,” Lopes made a public statement indicating she did not stand behind the music 100% and challenged the other two members of the band to release solo albums so that fans could decide who was the best artist. She also stood them up at public appearances and just generally acted like a selfish asshole. Eight years after the fire incident, Lopes died in a tragic automobile accident while visiting Honduras. The police report states it was because of reckless driving, attempting to pass another automobile while speeding.

Exhibit C: Arianna Huffington

Our next example, thankfully, ends on a brighter note. Perhaps not coincidentally, Arianna Huffington born Arianna Stassinopoulos in Athens, Greece, had far more positive role models as a child. Her father was an editor of an underground political newspaper who spent years in a Nazi concentration camp for his beliefs. Her mother was a an avid homemaker, cook and student of life. After growing up in Athens, Arianna attended university in London and had enough journalistic chops to become an on-air personality for a BBC news show. Eventually, Arianna came to the United States to work in media and managed to date her way up the social ladder culminating in a marriage with millionaire Michael Huffington who she met at a party thrown by San Francisco socialite and well-marrier in her own right Ann Getty. After eleven years of marriage and a successful political career for Michael as a California Congressman–a conservative who supported gays in the military (Watch that. It becomes significant later.)–the two divorced. In 1998, Michael came out about his bisexuality (read homosexuality) and Arianna, totally stood by him, stating she knew all along. She also switched to using only his surname despite the fact that she used both their surnames during the marriage.

How did all that work out for her? Well, she gained most of her current wealth through the divorce settlement and continues to have a wildly successful political media career using his name. Her ventures include co-hosting a nationally syndicated radio show called “Left, Right and Center,” publishing a highly successful political blog called The Huffington Post and sporadic appearances on national television shows. In 2003, she decided to run the recall election against then Governor Davis of California. Although she dropped out of the race most likely due to lack of support, it was this move that really brought her to mainstream attention. And it was no doubt her ex-husband’s name and contacts that helped her get there.

Exhibit D: Dina Matos McGreevey

On the flip side of Arianna Huffington, we have Dina Matos McGreevey. When it was revealed in 2004 that her husband, then Governor of New Jersey Jim McGreevey, was having gay relations with a staff member who accused him of sexual harrassment, she decided to turn on him like a two week-old container of yogurt, painting herself as the innocent victim. That’s her at left shilling the book she wrote telling the world what an innocent victim she is. In it she says:

“Not only would I not knowingly have married a gay man, but I would never have allowed a gay man to father my child.”

That’s a nice thing for your kid to read, isn’t it? As you probably heard, (and if not, read it here), Monday a former driver and aide to McGreevey named Theodore Pedersen publicly claimed that the couple used to regularly engage in threesomes with him from the time they were dating in the late 1990’s until 2001, after they were married. Not only did Matos McGreevey turn on her husband, she was pretty vocal with the criticism against Eliot Spitzer, too. Which is exactly what motivated Pederson to speak up. The moral of the story is more for us than her: When someone reacts as vehemently against their betrayer as you think they should, the more likely it is they are just as dysfunctional as said betrayer.

Which is what made this week’s turn of events, newly sworn-in New York Governor David Paterson and his wife Michelle coming forth together to divulge to the world that they have both had extra-marital affairs, so effing brilliant. That’s power couple teamwork for the new paradigm. The one where we finally shake the idea that a public servant—or anyone—is supposed to be perfect. And embrace the idea that most marriages fall on tough times. The stronger ones are able to weather them and go on to a happier era.

Despite how pleasurable revenge fantasies may be in the heat of the moment, it seems they’re better left in the realm of fantasy. Who could deny that Angela Basset setting fire to her cheating husband’s stuff inside his BMW makes for great cinema?

But in real life, a person who can humble themselves enough to stand by their partner when the chips are down shows a depth of character infinitely more worthy of our trust and our attention. Which may be why Hillary Clinton is one of three people in the world poised to become the next president of the United States. And if Silda Spitzer plays her cards right, in a few years, who knows?

Virginia v. Lorena Bobbitt [Court TV Casefiles]
Lisa ‘Left Eye’ Lopes [Wikipedia]
Lisa Lopes [Snopes]
Arianna Huffington [Wikipedia]
Arianna Huffington: A Biography [Associated Content]
THE MCGREEVEYS’ SECRET [New York Post]