How Does San Francisco Love Matt Gonzalez? Let Them Count The 24 Ways
13 March 2008, 9:45 AM. By Guanabee Staff
We’ve been waiting for weeks for something interesting to happen in Matt Gonzalez’s campaign for Vice-President. He’s the oily but hot former president of San Francisco County’s Board of Supervisors who was named as Ralph Nader’s running mate last month. Unfortunately, the only press talking about him are in San Francisco where they are fueled by a jealous love that cannot possess the object of its desire. As best we can gather, San Francisco progressives are apalled that Gonzalez would be arrogant/stupid enough to run for Vice-President with Ralph Nader when he could run for mayor of San Francisco again. Even though they didn’t actually manage to elect him last time. They’re like a guy who dumped his girlfriend only to discover she’s now dating someone richer and more popular (albeit older and wrinklier) than him. Their jealous rage has culminated this week in a list published by SF Weekly entitled “The 24 Real Reasons Matt Gonzalez Chose To Run with Ralph Nader.” We reprinted it, obvs, after the jump:
The 24 Real Reasons Matt Gonzalez Chose to Run with Ralph Nader
1. He wants to get out of politics.
2. His experience being vastly outspent and losing will prove invaluable.
3. He needs a bigger Wikipedia entry.
4. Lesson learned: When you see Nader on a street corner, don’t make eye contact.
5. Apparently, the position comes with a dental plan.
6. He can’t resist that famous “Nader charisma.”
7. Why just paint “Smash the State” on your office wall when you can actually do it?
8. After 2003, he vowed never to win anything again.
9. He owes Satan a favor.
10. Now this will really impress Jodie Foster!
11. Crippling fear of success.
12. Did anyone ask Gavin Newsom to be vice president? No. No, they did not.
13. Hasn’t hit bottom yet.
14. Because God is dead.
15. Everyone wants to see his or her own funeral.
16. Powerless to resist the chance to fuck up this badly.
17. Nader promised him 72 virgins to commit political suicide.
18. Running vs. Gavin — that’d be crazy. But this … no, that doesn’t explain much.
19. Quintin Mecke couldn’t get off work.
20. He could win Nader the urban-hipsters-who-don’t-vote vote — if only they voted.
21. Face it: He’s nearly as experienced as Barack Obama.
22. It was time for someone who lives in a loft to run for national office.
23. Nader needed him for the carpool lane.
24. Gonzalez makes the perfect No. 2 for the “guys we used to respect until they pissed away their legacies” ticket.
Meanwhile, Geraldine Ferraro remains the only third party CNN is concerned with this morning.
The 24 Real Reasons Matt Gonzalez Chose to Run with Ralph Nader [SF Weekly]
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The dirty secret between Gonzalez, unwashed hair, Nader, and the Green party:
“Greasy hair makes for clean air”
Greasy hair may not help you to attract the object of your affection, but it might reduce the amount of ozone you breathe in.
Lakshmi Pandrangi and Glenn Morrison from the University of Missouri in Rolla exposed eight washed and eight unwashed hair samples to ozone for 24 hours. They found that, on average, unwashed hair absorbs around seven times as much ozone as freshly washed hair (Atmospheric Environment, DOI: 10.1016/j.atmosenv.2008.02.009). “Ozone is probably reacting with components of hair oil,” says Morrison.
THAT GREASY MOP OF HAIR IS THERE FOR A PURPOSE PEOPLE!!! :P
http://www.newscientist.com/channel/health/mg19726455.200-greasy-hair-makes-for-clean-air.html
Sacrificing his beauty for the ozone. I think I love him even more.
@El Joto: He is single-handedly saving the environment!!! I guess all those long-haired, unwashed hippies are good for something after all…
@este_es_mi_nombre: Citing research reported in the New Scientist has now officially made you the object of my affection. Actually, my heart belongs to Alex, but there’s always room for one more person. You rock, nombre!
Are the writers at SF Weekly secretly applying for a job writing the Top Ten on Letterman?
You Guanabees from everywhere else only wish you could live in such a great place as la mission!
San Francisco Rocks !
where plastic bags are forbidden and pot is legal!