Apparently Kristen / Ashley Alexandra Dupré / Ashley Youmans, the escort that left former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer’s swallowing his pride, is not, as she claims, actually 22 years old. She might, in fact, be a practically almost-dead 32:

She’s a lovely young thing, and, well, when you’re paying you might as well buy the ripest fruit. (Oh God, ew, we hate ourselves for coming up with that metaphor.) [Ed. note: Probably not as much as we do.] But we’ve done some sleuthing, and we’ve discovered that two separate public identification records reveal that the only Ashley Youmans (the real name of “Kristen,” a.k.a Ashley Alexandra Dupré) from the Jersey Shore (or anywhere in New Jersey) is actually 32.

Nothing out of the Jersey Shore should cost 4,300 dollars an hour. Regardless, and regardless of the fact that this girl’s age is what people are currently discussing rather than the example set forth by a man that would pay for sex and completely ruin the lives of his three daughter and his wife (but we guess she’s kinda old, so who cares), haven’t we all lied about our ages at some point? Does this even really matter?

Well, we think it does. People, and, let’s face it, particularly women, do not come with a “sell by” date. No matter what they happen to be selling. It’s unfortunate and repulsive that women are so often reduced to a number, be it the one blinking up from a scale or staring up from a birth certificate. Like Charo, with all her “I am 57. No 67! Cuchi-cuchi!” nonsense, going so far as to drag her cuchi into court to have her age recognized as a certain number. While that, in itself, is all ridiculous, what’s more ridiculous is that, as a female celebrity, her battle to chop a decade off her age is probably nowhere near as ridiculous as it should be.

That AshleyKirsten’s age is a topic of discussion at all is pathetic and takes away from the actual crimes committed by Eliot Spitzer - crimes against the state, his family and, depending on how you look at it, crimes against another person’s body. This speculation over her age is damaging not only to the seriousness of what Spitzer did, it is also damaging to women.

So, ladies, you know, if you feel the need to lie about your age, that’s entirely your prerogative. But, before you do, make sure it’s entirely your decision, and that you aren’t doing it in order to fit some ill-conceived notion of what makes a woman desirable, attractive or relevant.

Unless that means having huge boobs. Because, come on.

Eliot Spitzer’s ‘Kristen’ — Actually 32? [NY Mag]