“Spanx” Now Hold In Your Unsightly Boobies As Well As Your Hideous, Mutant Gut
17 March 2008, 4:00 PM. By Daniel Mauser
Speaking of bacon cups, “Spanx” underwear brand is re-launching their line of bras designed to make you, the average bacon-chomping woman, look more like the feminine ideal put forth by store mannequins and anime heroines alike:
Rendered in the same nylon stretch hosiery fabric as the signature control pantyhose, one style features front-closure molded cups that are elastic-free, with self-adjusting straps. The straps are designed to create smooth lines under clothes and flatten back fat. Another bra features all-hosiery fabric with no closures and natural cups.
While we’re as guilty as the next person of silently commiserating with the woman on the seat in front of us (this is, naturally, in the rare case that our driver should have a day off) because her ill-fitting bra has given her “back boobs,” we’re well aware that items like “Spanx,” while seemingly helping a lot of woman feel more confident and attractive, help to create an idealized human body that, frankly, just doesn’t look very human.
Some women have back fat. Some, no matter how skinny they might be or how many sit-ups they do, have little love muffin tops when wearing certain pants. Some have big thighs, some have droopy boobs, most have cellulite. That’s how bodies are. You know, when all the Photoshop and airbrushing and NASA-manufactured undergarments and professionally applied makeup are taken away. Bodies are bumpy, lumpy, curvy, boney, wrinkly, veiny and freckley. They just are. And we can’t help but feel that certain items, even those as seemingly innocuous and helpful as Spanx bras or underwear, want to create the impression that normal, natural, untampered-with bodies are somehow… abnormal. After all, there’s a difference between wearing clothes that fit well and compliment your body and actually altering your body to conform to a standard of beauty you might not otherwise meet.
What do you think, though? Are we reading too much into this? Or are the fashion and beauty industries waging a war against your well-earned backfat and creating problems where none existed?
(30) 
Post Your Comment
Did you know you can now share a link, image or video?
Click to submit your own notas.
Ugh this is gross. First of all, those hideous Brallellujah bras have been out for over a year. I know I’ve seen them in stores and online, and they look as gross as you’d think: like an old “tan” colored pair of nylons for your tits. Second, if you have “back fat” showing that means there is something wrong with the bra, which was probably designed by men to look “pretty” and with little concern for fit and support. It does not mean that there is something wrong with you. Just go and find a better fitting bra. And ladies, when the outline of both your bra and panties shows through your clothes, it looks trashy. seriously, Try to slip a cami over your ill-filling bra or something. There’s nothing worse than a middle aged executive whose prominently displays the outline of the back part of your bra, it’s just gross.
if you dont like your backfat or frontfat …just get your lazy ass up and go workout.
And please, Middle Aged Executive, wear underwear if you are going to lean back in your chair, while wearing a skirt, when I simply came in to drop off a file.
@ aydiosmio and pocachica: You guys must have been in my office checking out my boss. Your descriptions are hilarious! The only thing missing from your description is her see-through blouses that display all that should never be displayed.
@Latin_Princess
does she also smell of rotten greek salad?
@ pocachica: Sometimes, yes. But it’s hard to get beyond the coffee breath to smell anything else.
Ok, maybe that didn’t turn out right, not really about “executives” or whatever. That actually goes for like 90% of all womankind, and it looks significantly more disgusting on women of a certain age: Stop. Showing. Your. Underwear. It’s not inevitable, believe me. And it makes you look trashy when the outline of your bra and panties shows through your clothes.
I don’t give a damn, I lOVE my Spanx, all four pairs of them!
They are so great for pushing my pansa in (not sure how to spell that) and smoothing out unsightly lonjas (not sure how to spell that either)
And I guess I could look “natural” and lumpy, but why should I? I mean, we do all these other things to fit ideal standards of beauty- makeup, hair color, fake tans- why is a little girdle so much of a problem?
@rebekah; I totally agree with you
I have a pair, and rarely wear them, but it’s nice to be able to go to them when I need to dress up. It’s like with bras that push down my boobs so the buttons on my button up blouses don’t gap at ONLY that one unsightly spot.
If you are going to go all crazy on Spanx, what about make-up, what about daily “beauty” routines. What about regular bathing. . .(we in the U.S. bathe a lot more than people around the work, and probs do less drudge work.)
yeah. i too am a spanx supporter. been one even before spanks came out. thank the lord for latin mommas and grannys who drilled into us the need to wear fajas if there’s a certain type of dress we’d like to wear! we can’t all be thin supermodels so we must somehow try to feel good in the clothes offered to us. and boy does it work! bring on anything that could hide the occasional lady lumps we hate!
bad Silence of the Lambs joke… nah, nevermind.
I guess I can’t comment until they come out, because if they are just better engineered bras that are comfortable and flattering, I’m all for them.
Because, I’m fine with back fat, but let’s not pretend that “back boobs” and “muffin tops” are natural — they’re the byproducts of clothes that are NOT made to accomodate curves and parts that smush and spread.
But given that this is Spanx, I’m skeptical. They seem to prefer cramming women into their ideal silhouette over designing garmets that free and flatter. Still, I’ll save my judgments for when I see them.
OMG laura.s.d., you’re the first person I’ve found who also gets the unfortunate button gape with blouses! (or the first to acknowledge it, at least) My bust seems to sit at exactly the wrong place for most button-up shirts. My mum’s the only one who understands, ‘cos she’s spent hours with me in shops trying on clothes, and has finally admitted that I can’t wear certain things, even with a minimizing bra.
And I agree with eek. If they are just well-designed bras then yay.
@Rebekah: Well, I personally don’t wear make-up or tan. I do color my hair, but I don’t do it so other people will find me attractive, I do it because I like changing the color. If you enjoy Spanx, that’s fine. I personally think it’s sad that many women are so uncomfortable with their natural bodies that they feel unpresentable without a garment that squishes their flesh a certain way.
I don’t understand why pantylines and seeing the outline of one’s bra is such a big issue. I wear boyshorts so I never have pantylines, but shit, you can see my bra straps some of the time. I’m 5′10 and about 135, I’m not fat, but sometimes you can see the outline of my bra strap through my clothes because it’s digging in or sticking out or whatever. Sometimes you can see the bra itself because of the colors or the fabrics or a combination or the two. Big. Fucking. Deal.
I really don’t care if people can see my bra. I don’t feel trashy because other people can see my bra. Guess what? I am wearing a goddamn bra. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m not going to wear an extra layer of clothing or wear a freaky compression garment so the world can imagine that I have a magical coochie that doesn’t need to be protected from chaffing fabric with soft underwear or magical boobies that don’t need to be held in place with a bra for my own comfort.
@ Kat: I know this might be a little forward on the first date and all, but. I think I love you.
You know, “shapers” don’t make women look like the models that pose them. Some people feel comfortable in those things. Some people don’t.
If you want a little support so YOU think that YOU look good in a dress. . .it doesn’t exactly mean you’re trying to please the world. So that shouldn’t really illicit pity responses.
I would kill to wear some clothing. . .like those cute triangle inspired jackets, but I’ve got big boobs. Those make me look like an umbrella. Not good.
And I truly believe this being “sad that many women are so uncomfortable with their natural bodies”, only hurts women who already feel inadequate. I would really like to see more people praising size 22 women before they pass judgment so fast, as if you could not be stung by any feelings of inadequacy no matter if you were maybe 5 sizes larger than you are now. Who doesn’t feel bad when they gain weight?
@Kat
Darn right! Maybe I’m totally biased as I work in lingerie, but I’m sick of this “no one can know I wear a bra” attitude. Do you know why a bra doesn’t sit perfectly smooth on your back? Because it’s an elastic wrapped around skin and flesh. Even in a well fit bra there will always be a bit of an indent-women aren’t made of marble, and our skin has to go somewhere! It hurts my soul when women come into my store and are fit for a beautiful, supportive, comfortable bra, but choose the unsupportive, uncomfortable, unattractive seamless option, because it’s more invisible under clothes. Sigh.
I work in an odd industry: high-end maternity fashion. And we carry the Spanx products in maternity version (ie: with regular nylon belly panels that won’t try to squish the baby). women love them, mostly because it means that at a time when they’re already flipping out about their body morphing into something unrecognizable, they don’t have to think about pantie lines at the office or the black-tie charity function.
As for the bras, from what people tell me it’s mostly just a comfort thing. They are not sexy, and they do not make breasts look sexier, but some people (not a product for the generously endowed!) find them to just be stretchier and less irritating for the skin.
@laura.s.d.
“If you want a little support so YOU think that YOU look good in a dress…it doesn’t exactly mean you’re trying to please the world.”
But the question is, why do they think they would look better in a body shaper in the first place? People aren’t just born with idea that they would look so much better if they wore a compression garment. They get it from somewhere. They get it from people telling them their bodies are not acceptable as they are.
“And I truly believe this being “sad that many women are so uncomfortable with their natural bodies”, only hurts women who already feel inadequate.”
I’m sorry if the truth hurts, but that is how I feel. It makes me incredibly sad when I see women who are so poisoned by society’s negative messages that they reject their bodies. I also feel bad for women who claim they need a nose job or need breast implants or constantly wear push ups bras.
“I would really like to see more people praising size 22 women before they pass judgment so fast, as if you could not be stung by any feelings of inadequacy no matter if you were maybe 5 sizes larger than you are now. Who doesn’t feel bad when they gain weight?”
I’m not judging anyone, I just think it’s very unfortunate that women feel they need to buy a squishing device to be attractive. I think it’s unfortunate that women pin so much of their worth on their physical appearance. I don’t blame the women for these insecurities, I blame the society that produced them.
I don’t even blame the people who try to minimize these things by saying, “Well, it makes me feel better about me so what’s the harm?”. I understand why they want to minimize it and act like it’s really no big deal to them.
If other people want to wear Spanx, that is fine with me. However, I won’t be wearing them and I will not hesitate to give anyone who complains about being able to see my bra indent or definitely not rock-hard abs through my clothing a piece of my mind. I’m a person, not a statue. I have fleshy parts about me.
@mandy tori: You sound like you have an interesting job! Do you get any discounts on lingerie?
@Alex: Well you DID take me to dinner at KFC. That’s a recipe for love, baby.
@Kat
Your comment is not a negative one. It’s nice to hear that you truly feel that people should be happy with their bumps and crevices, no matter how big, small, uneven.
But, in my opinion, talk like that sometimes sounds like rhetoric spewed out by the media. Like magazines who often tell me that I should be happy with who I am, then tell me to turn the page to see their exclusive “plus size model”. Then they tell me how to exercise so my belly can be “swimsuit” flat.
There is genetically a body type that is sought after; big hips, small stomach, big boobs. That’s why women get breast jobs; they’re bigger and give a semblence of curve.
It’s not like this company is going out of the way to say WOMEN ARE FAT DISGUSTING WHORES PUT ON A NICER BRA. It’s more like “Hey not everyone is thin; here’s something so you don’t have to worry about your fat sticking out under your bra in your dress making you feel like a whale”
i’ve owned a pair of spanx and, i’ve got to say, it did NOT make me feel better about my body. it made me feel like i was hiding a dirty secret, the secret being what i actually look like. i would be constantly adjusting the damn thing so you couldn’t tell i was wearing it, because being caught popping out of a body slimmer is, as far as i’m concerned, way more embarrassing than just not being slim in the first place. ugh, i would never wear one of those contraptions again. now i just buy clothes that fit my body the way it is.
the problem with spanx and like products is that they help women avoid dealing with their body issues. they’re treating the symptom and not the disease, so to speak. it’s definitely quicker and easier to contort your body to please society than it is to deprogram your media-inflicted ideas about beauty standards. but only one of those things is really going to make you happy.
@ Kat: I love how you had to mention your height+weight in your comment. I wonder how most people would have read it without that. If you weren’t tall and skinny…
There are some people that not even spanks can help. Like my grotty neighbor who wears wife beaters and an ill fitting bra. Her bra gets lost in the back fat. *Squick!*
Personally, I wear Spanx mainly to save the world from the gruesome sight of my flubber bouncing around when i walk.
The weight is disappearing … but while it does, these make me feel a little more confident in the appearance I present at work.
And, I will probably still wear them once hitting my goal. Mainly because of the “no panty lines” and a smoother appearance under slacks. I LOVE SPANX!!
Ain’t nothing wrong with Spanx people.
@aydiosmio: it was designed by a woman. And made by women. Literally. You lose.
http://www.spanx.com/helpdesk/index.jsp?display=store&subdisplay=product&clickid=botnav_qanda_txt#3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7w5Un4HvbXI
What’s wrong with people trying to look better w/o going under the knife? Crazy. It’s a bra not friggin terrorist. Why is wearing flattering clothes OK but flattering underwear a crime against nature? Jeeez.
My only beef is the price :( but the knockoffs are all cruddy.
http://www.barenecessities.com/SPANX_product_SPANX165_,size,.htm
$46 for undies. Now I lose. So I indulge in just a few for presents, interviews, blah blah.
Right on Kat!!! As a guy, let me say bra-lines and panty-lines are HOT! And no, i’m not being sarcastic. The only thing hotter than pantylines are those who are obviously wearing nothing. Drool drool. Ladies, let them show!
I went to try these on at the recommendation of a friend. She insisted they were very comfortable and made you look slimmer…I went and tried them…they do make you look a bit better, and yes, they are very comfortable…surprisingly so. I needed something for a very formal dress…mom of the groom..and spanx gave me just enough slimming to make the dress look great…now i feel confident and although I would not wear these everyday…I would use them when needed..and thankful that they are here.
Spanx Shmanx - All I want is a bra that will hold up by heavy 38D breasts without creating 2″ indentations in my shoulders and leaving my breasts peeking out from under the “underwires” because the combination of the elastic back and underwire are not doing the job! My ideal bra would be one that sets the straps in closer to the collar bone and an underwire that is designed to actually go under the breast and hold it up with a band below it that’s not made out of some frilly itchy material!! This band would help carry the load with the underwire and the elastic back making for a bra that could conceivably be worn for and average day. Does anyone know of its existence?
Well, it’s not just the bras that stink..why do they make ’shapewear’ for heavier women? It SUPPOSEDLY works wonders and never binds or rolls…I guess that’s only true if your’e a size 8 or less. Those of who are a little thicker sang praises when this was discovered but I’m sorely disappointed…so much so, I gave them away rather than fighting to get my money back. What a waste…totally.