The Gay Shrink Weighs In On Thomas Beatie, The Pregnant Man

The recent revelations surrounding Thomas Beatie, the world’s first pregnant man, have certain Guanabees around here asking all sorts of uncomfortable questions about sex, babies and gender identity. We’d so rather watch Wheel of Fortune, so we’re going to do what our parents did and sit you down in front of a professional who is far better equipped to handle this sort of thing—The Gay Shrink.

Guanabee: Gay Shrink, please help us understand where babies come from. We just heard there is a pregnant man in Oregon. How did this happen and does Jesus love the she-males?

Gay Shrink: While I appreciate the vote of confidence in my interpretive abilities, I would never presume to offer a professional opinion on how Jesus feels about she males. Thomas Beatie has shown us that babies don’t come from storks.

Guanabee: So if Thomas Beatie still has ovaries, he’s technically a woman, no?
Gay Shrink: Thomas Beatie was physically born female, and presumably went by another name more conducive to the anatomy presented at birth. Let’s say Thomas was Tina at birth. Over time, it became clear to Tina that despite all outward physical evidence to the contrary Tina was a Thomas. Undoubtedly when Tina tried to tell others they got it wrong. She was probably told by many people she was crazy. But at some point in her life, Tina was told maybe she wasn’t so crazy. That maybe God (and again I don’t speak for Him or his family) got it wrong. She was told that with hormones and certain surgical procedures and therapy, it is possible to manifest Thomas more fully in body as well as in spirit. Obviously, Tina accepted this option and Thomas was born. Now, “certain surgical procedures” are what people seem to have trouble understanding. Thomas did not have his uterus removed, so his ability to carry a fetus remained an option. With hormones, and some cosmetic procedures, Thomas looks male and hormonally is male. To become pregnant, Thomas had to access parts of his body that up until now, he had disowned. Probably, to create the necessary hormonal environment to carry the fetus, he also had to alter some of the hormones that make him the man he was prior to the pregnancy. Despite the shift in hormones, the baby bump, and access of his dormant biological parts, Thomas continues to be Thomas–Tina has not been reborn.
Does this make him a lesbian? The first lesbian to get pregnant by her female partner? This is so gender confusing!
Regardless of having ovaries or not, his mind and spirit are male and his partner of choice is a female, so the actual reality is that Tina was a straight man and became Thomas to fulfill this destiny. Thomas decided to access aspects of his “old self” to fulfill his destiny as the husband of a wife who is unable to carry a child. Once the baby is born he will (gladly I am sure) return to life as Thomas. What he must be going through hormonally is anyone’s guess!

Guanabee: From the one picture of Thomas Beatie that we’ve seen, he looks kind of hot. Is it possible for a gender-reassigned person to embody such a physical ideal?
Gay Shrink: Of course, in our culture most physical ideals are altered versions of a natural self. Some women have determined that extra large breasts, blonde, straightened hair and fat-injected lips are worthy purchases that help them feel hot and embody a certain physical ideal. Steroids, lipo and penis pumps allow some men to embody their visions of masculine ideals. Photoshop sells the ideals, and plastic surgery and hormones make them realities.

Guanabee: We saw a video recently of Beatie’s neighbor claiming that he saw Beatie last week without a baby bump. Is it possible Beatie is punking us all? What would motivate a person to do such a thing?
Gay Shrink: Media coverage? The likelihood he will get a movie deal and his own television series? Everyone is competing these days to be noticed and apparently media validation adds an additional 5 minutes onto the 15 minutes of fame that has traditionally been allotted to everyone.

Guanabee: Okay, let’s assume for the sake of more page views that Thomas Beatie is the world’s first pregnant she-male. What would possess a person to do THAT?
Gay Shrink: Thomas is a man who loves his wife and wants a family. Men historically take their role as provider very seriously. Thomas will trump all men with this feat for sure.

Guanabee: What kind of emotional effects could this have on a young child? Do you think they’ll make fun of the kid on the playground? Tell him his mom has a dick and all that?
Gay Shrink: Kids have tried to shame other kids by taunting them about their mom’s dicks for ages—-I venture to say that after the birth Thomas will go back to the physical ideal that has one Gaunabee editor hot under the collar and once the little bambino gets to school, no one will be any the wiser! Regardless, Thomas’ child will be ridiculed, shamed, and traumatized for something at some point in the wonderful world of childhood.

Guanabee: Do you think this will start a trend? And if so, what kind of advice would you give to Thomas and anyone else thinking of following in his shoes?
Gay Shrink: I don’t think it will start a trend. Most men don’t want to even imagine the scenario, so most transgender men (after they have made the transition and are living as men) probably do not want to revisit those parts (biological or emotional) of their prior self. My advice to Thomas, don’t smoke or drink during pregnancy and if anyone gives you shit, kick their ass and blame it on the hormones!