A New Survey Suggests Men Will Propose, On Average, Two Years, Eleven Months And Eight Days After The First Date

Oh, ladieees! Put down the bag of Raisinets you’re eating voraciously under your desk and check out the most patronizing opening paragraph upon which you’ll ever feast your eyes (We promise this is one feast that’s calorie-free! Yummers!):

Trying to figure out when a man will propose has been the subject of many a coffee/ice cream/vodka klatch. Well ladies, we have an answer: in three years.

Wait! Give us a moment to demurely chug this mix of White Russian and tears before we continue! Mmm, tastes like lonely! Ok! Here we go! A new survey, conducted by a British wedding-planning company, suggests that the average man will propose two years, 11 months and eight days after the first date. Oh gracious, that only gives us two years, one month, 2 hours, and fifty-three minutes to fill up our hope chest!:

For Carlos, it’s all about cohabitation. “Within the first year, I know if I want to move in with her, and that’s important because it’s a mock trial of marriage,” he says. “That’s when you learn all of her [idiosyncrasies]. I have to have experienced that before proposing.”

Still, that didn’t keep him from breaking up with his girlfriend of three years after living with her for two and half. Which brings up a caveat to hopeful women out there - just because it takes men three years to propose doesn’t mean that if you put in your time he automatically will.

WHAT?!

“Women want to get married sooner,” says Rhonda Fine, a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist, claiming that marriage is a higher priority for women, particularly if they want to have kids; and because they are generally less apprehensive about commitment, they want to move forward sooner.

Oh choke on a Jordan almond. Seriously, what is this? What was the age range, religion, job status and cultural background of the people surveyed, hmm? Is a 23-year-old going to be as gung-ho about marriage as a 45-year-old? What about students? Or divorcés? Unmarried people who already have kids? Catholics? Bloggers? This is ridiculous and perpetuates socially constructed stereotypes about men and women. They are so many different reasons for marrying a person that we find any vague and simplified study on the why’s and the how’s of it all to be nothing but fluff.

Fluff.

Like the merengue on the wedding cake.

That we might never have…

… Have we been wearing the same shirt three days in a row?

KNOT SO FAST [NY Post]